Welcome to episode #236 of the Squeaky Bum Time podcast, where we review the latest action from the world of football, with a focus on the Premier League. I’m your host, Laurent Courtines, and in this episode, we’ll be recapping a Champions League AND Europa League midweek full of drama and disappointment, and looking ahead to a Premier League weekend full of quirks.
We start with our attention on Haaland and his DESTRUCTION in Man City’s 5-0 victory over Leipzig, with Kevin De Bruyne maybe being the better player? And Pep’s funny Julia Roberts anecdote
Then… we head to Arsenal for their Europa League EXIT and why it might be good for their title challenge
Next, Liverpool’s exit from the Champions League at the hands of Real Madrid. Despite having a strong team, Jurgen Klopp’s side have struggled to perform when not everything is going their way We also discuss Napoli’s impressive performance in the Champions League, with Osimhen, Kvaratskhelia, and their teammates being hailed as the saviors of European football.
The FA Cup quarter-finals are also on the horizon, and we preview the matches, including Kompany’s return to Man City and League Two Grimsby’s attempt to upset darlings of the pod Brighton.
Finally, we look ahead to the Premier League weekend, with an under-pressure Patrick Vieira returning to his old club, league leaders Arsenal. We also discuss the historic bun fight at the bottom of the table and the intriguing match-ups that await us.
Here’s our running order for this episode:
Haaland’s performance in Man City’s 5-0 victory over Leipzig. Arsenal’s Europa League exit and its impact on their title challenge. Liverpool’s exit from the Champions League and their struggles. Napoli’s impressive performance in the Champions League. Preview of the FA Cup quarter-finals. Preview of the Premier League weekend, including Patrick Vieira’s return to Arsenal and the relegation battle.
So sit back, relax, and join us for another exciting episode of the Squeaky Bum Time podcast.
00:00 – UEFA Champions League Overview
06:15 – A Perfect Long-Range Goal
15:56 – Brighton vs Crystal Palace
19:46 – Champions League Previews and Football Breakdowns
23:55 – Football League Variations
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Hello, and welcome to the squeaky bum time podcast presented exclusively on the CHOP Sports Channel of the Premier streaming network. We are recording this on Thursday, March sixteen. I am your host Laurent Courtines. In this episode, Colin is a viking destroyer of worlds, pretty fast. Six goals past RB LifeSick. The FA Cup is back and I love it. And news from the continent around the UEFA Champions League and Europe League. But first, arsenal are out of the Europa League and why that's bad for Manchester City. Okay. We are gonna do some house cleaning please rate, review, share the show. If you're on YouTube, please like and subscribe. If it's a podcast, please Follow and rate the show. It means everything to us and let's get to it. We're gonna start with Manchester City and their demolocization of of of of RB Lifesig.
What a performance by early Holland? What a thing that happened? What an amazing game. I can't believe I saw it. I can't believe Holland ran through and scored five goals in a game. I know I said I was gonna talk about Arsenal, but Holland got into my brain, and I forgot what I had said, but I'm going back to it.
So city against RB Leipzig, they trot out this new Ford Defender lineup with Stones and Ake at the back but Holland was the man of the day. It was a little bit tight at first in this game and then the Dodge GSVAR penalty you'll ever see. I didn't want it I didn't like it. It was not something that I enjoyed, but VAR call a referee to give a call They gave the call, and then Citi proceeded to completely destroy and annihilate the poor Germans from RB Lifesig. This was not nice. This was in the face and hard in the face city winds. Eight one on aggregate over the two legs.
And Holland just puts himself back into the back into the conversation of the best tea best player in the world. And weirdly, and I know I say this all the time, the narrative on city is we're the greatest. We're the greatest. We're the greatest. They're destructive. Let me tell you, I watch this team every week. We have not been good. This has not been a good season for Citi in comparison to previous seasons, but I think that guardiola is content with a more defensive style, is content with more of a controlled style. He's in love with John Stones in the midfield. He's playing two with Rodri. And then when De Bruin and Gunnaroon are in the midfield even de broin after he got yelled at and slapped on the hand by Pep Guardiola for being not perfect. This team just goes and goes and goes and the goals flew in.
The penalty was on twenty two. And once that penalty went on, then it was over. Holland on twenty four. Holland on forty five. Hilfiger going to go on early in the second half on forty nine, a really nice goal. Then Holland again on fifty three and fifty seven, and then Kevin De Bruin. Who, even though Holland had five goals, was still the best player in the pitch, scored a goal late on fifty two, and it was never close.
The poor RB lives it gets annihilated. And this isn't a joke. The expected goals was for and change. That's a big number. You just don't see force. Just to give you context, when Liverpool scored seven, their expected goal was like two and a half. So just to give you a sense of a real dominating performance and poor RB Leipzig does not get a shot or a sniff or anything. It was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
And I'll continue with the rest of our European adventures. Napoli defeated Itrek Frankfurt, a game not interesting for what happened on the pitch. But off, Itrek Frankfurt, we know from their Altra's that they caused trouble and there was trouble in Napoli. Nothing too bad. Liver pull does not complete a comeback, does not even try a comeback. They lose six to an aggregate after going to the Baylor Baylor and only and giving up one goal to Korean bezema. And we know about Porto Inter that was KJKJKJ a nil nil inter carries that goal through the two legs and wins. Very Italian, very anxiety, very enter their goal late from Lukaku carries them through.
So, our teams in the round of sixteen and the draw will be later today. Real Madrid. Sorry. In the quarter final rounds. Real Madrid, Manchester City, Napoli. Benfica, Milan, Fine Munich, Inter, and Chelsea.
It's not a vintage group. I would say that there's probably gonna be an upset. The best team of the season in Europe and of Syria has been nappily, but we know relative to leagues, relative to whatever. We know Chelsea's had a day of down season. Inter's not playing great. Inter Milan has had a tough season. Barn Munich are probably the biggest legacy club with real Madrid. Still in the competition, but we know that they have trouble, you know, with the Bundeslia being too easy, they haven't played well, they have they had the toughest opponent or aside from Liverpool and real Madrid just show their class and put themselves through on this process. So we'll find out tomorrow what the draws are.
As a city fan, I want the fucking easiest one. Give me Milan. I think Milan is probably the weakest of the groups here. They beat a hapless totum. I don't wanna play an English team. I do not want Chelsea. I do not want Byron. I do not want Napoli, and I definitely don't wanna see Real Madrid until someone else beats them. We're gonna go on to the other big tournament in Europe and talk about our other friends in the Europa League.
Arsenal, we're heading into this tie on a two two draw with sporting Lisbon at home. They thought they had the Emirates behind them, and they would be fine. And it was going well for them. They took an early lead from Granite Shaka, but then later in the match. We had a massive goal going from inside the d on their side, Pedro Gonzales fired a shot that what I wanna say is perfect It's more than perfect. It was a casual turnover in midfield. Nothing to be too embarrassed about, but then they pick it up and he fires he notices that that that ramsdale's off his line, and he fires what can only be a perfect shot. Just dips under the bar, maybe kisses it a little bit, Ramsdale jumps, but to no avail, and from the halfway line, sporting. Get their goal, and they are tied at one one, and then they grind it out. They have the the run of play for the middle of the match. Pretty good stuff on their side.
But then late in the game, Arsenal did try and push and get their goal. Even an extra time, they were still pushing and had nine shots on target. But to no avail, it goes to penalties. Sporting does not miss any of theirs, and poor Gabriel Martinelli does miss and he sent and that sends that sends sporting through. And that's terrible news for me because it now means that Arsenal has no other tournaments they're in nothing that they were there. I know Trussar hit the post, and Gabriel got close. But really, it really wasn't anything. You know, arsenal should be better than supporting their, the best team in England and in the best league in the world. So they've been great. They just didn't have their extra gear. And, you know, it does grind on you all these results and Arsenal can be happy with how they played, but not how they not the result. So it happens.
This is European competition. So sporting get through. Now Arsenal will just take they just have the twelve games, no FA cup. No league cup, no European competitions, just the games in front of them. They'll be week on week, no games, going after this title as hard as they can while city are still fighting on three fronts. So city will have the league, the FA Cup, which is on Sunday, and they will have the Champions League. So things getting hairier and hairier for for city and the title charge.
We'd be remiss if we didn't say. Our Manchester United also get through They win five-one on an aggregate taking out Pellegrini's Real Betisse. They go away rushing with the goal scoring. Nothing here to write home about. Just a whole European win. And I'd have to say at this point for the Europa League, United have to be the favorite even though they've had some tough games you know, they've had issues here and there.
Regular crew, we saw Maguire come in and Malacio. We had the checking line in. Wombasaka and Malacio both in. So a TED HOG doing a good job of rotating the side. This was really not a game that United were ever worried about. They were up. Four one on aggregate. So they go through to the next to the quarter finals after finishing the round of sixteen any other friends would be remiss if I didn't shout out our friends at Westham who do win in the conference league. That's literal little consolation for them as they are floating in the darkness of the relegation zone. And and and of that like, so a little bit nervous there. So that takes us away from our European friends and all those things.
And I wanna take us to the FA cup. Who doesn't love the FA cup? I certainly love the FA cup. And we go back there. And we have to go visit where we are in the essay cup with our friends from Grimsby Town in the middle of the second division taking on Brighton. This is the first team ranked this low to be this far since nineteen ninety. This is a big big deal for Grimsby Town who do play Brighton at home. They get that home. They get that home draw. So Grimsby Town gives it a shot. We have a wonderful little match up there.
Then we have a classic northern tie with Sheffield United and Blackburn. If this was, you know, eighteen ninety, this would be a much better game. Than it is today. Sheffield United slipping a lot in the championship. They were nailed on for the second automatic promotion spot, but they have had Middle's burl steaming up their tail along with looting. Maybe they didn't slip, but Middle's burl really came after them. So they have a fight on a hand stake to not wanna drop into the playoffs. Ask Bradford how it is when you're leading the whole way and drop into the playoffs. It's completely deflating and you can end up going home. So these will be games that will interrupt the Premier League match week, but I love these match up Blackburn and Sheffield, Greenfield, Greenfield Town and Brighton. Gramsidy's story may end very quickly brighten up. I have a chance to finish in the top six, but the way Desirby plays away at Gramsidy, you'd expect brighten to really lay the smackdown.
United play on the Sunday. They play fulham at home. Pallenia will be back. This will not be an easy game for United, but you'd expect them at home to play well, pull them we know, and I talked about it earlier, they are punching way above their weight. They are a team to fade, honestly. Because their underlying numbers do not represent how good their season has been, but they may just be a one man wrecking crew, Paulinia, having a kante, in Golo Cante like effect of the Lester and and Cante Chelsea? Is it Conte's Chelsea or Moreno's Chelsea? Conte's Chelsea. Yeah. Because he had he had the other guy in there. So United come off a win. They play another game. In the FA cup. And, you know, they still in three competitions, then I went in the league. But at especially, pulling themselves back after the Liverpool defeat, getting to win both games in Europe.
And the narrative leading game of Burnley versus Manchester City. Our friend Vincent Company returns to play against Manchester City. I'm very excited about it. For those who don't know, Vincent Company is just one of the most beloved city players. He's our captain he has his moment. He has his lesser goal, the Vinny no goal in seventeen, in eighteen nineteen, that sank poor liver pull and manny's heart. I wanna just rub it in. And he plate was injured the whole time he was at Citi and always showed up whenever he was available, he would play and then get hurt again. But I think the key thing for company was down this stretch he always seemed to be there even when he'd missed half a season, the last fifteen games he'd show up and just take over the team. Such a personality. He tried to kill Mo Sala more than once and probably should have gotten a red in one of those games, if I remember correctly. But he's take it on Burnley. They lost half their team. They lost all their identity with Daish, and he's completely changed his team around player to watch.
Nathan Tela, twenty four years old, seventeen goals in the championship, which is just an incredible number. Hopefully, he can come up and play with He he had been at Southampton the whole time never really got much burn. Couple games here and there a little bit last season. Didn't do much if you remember him Nathan Tela, but now he's playing with Burnley and playing amazing, just scoring goals for fun, our friend, Jay Rodriguez, is still hanging out there. He's sort of the super sub. Ashley Barnes is still hanging around there. Josh Brownhill, lots of little fun little players. And then Ian Matson, also a nice player who's developing and making lots of good passes. This is a great little team for the city fans Taylor Harlan Bellis, one of our defenders who's been on loan or or something either online or actually there. This is just a fun Burnley team. I recommend enjoying it. I recommend watching it.
I'm sure Burnley will go all out for this game. There's no need for them to take their foot off the gas. They've got the championship locked up. They have a Burnley have a thirteen point lead and a twenty one point lead on third place, so they are safe there's only five games to go in the championship, six games. How many games do they play? I don't even know how many games they play. They play a lot of games. So I can actually figure this out pretty quickly. But they're way, way gone. Forty six games They play forty six games and they're they got nine games to go. The league is on thirty seven. So nine games to go at twenty point league. I think, Burnley safe. So they'll try and really take it to Citi in this game.
And if you know any history of Burnley, you know about George Boyd, There's been some games and some times when I really hated the fuck out of Burnley. They're real bastards and have been a thorn in city's side. Although it felt like it, Fortress Burnley actually was only one game and then Citi beat them like a drum for the next four years, but it still felt like shit at the time. That's just how football is. Right? It's just this weird thing. You just remember the bad games and don't remember the good ones. We had some midweek games that I should cover Wednesday.
Brighton defeated crystal palace. Crystal palace. Not scoring goals. Why isn't Patrick Vieira on the the the Donni step to be fired? Although, to be fair to Crystal Palace, They were really good in the beginning of this game, but they faded as they went through and, of course, the great and powerful, solid march Scores a goal in March on the fifteenth, and he's on the fifteenth minute. Lots of fun little goofy stuff there. Solly march on March fifteenth in the fifteenth minute, March fifteen fifteen, very, very bizarre, but it was a really good goal with the through ball from Matoma Cicero in it again. Those three really make bright and go Matoma Cicero March, just an unbelievable group I did did wanna give a shout out to Danny Welby, who I murder constantly.
But what a good player is, he still runs well and he still does makes all the good runs, gets into good positions, take shots, takes them on target, and he misses. That's just very, very Danny Welbank, and of course, never gonna stop talking about Lewis Duncan and then another shout out for Joe Veltman who just had a war with Louisa and really went at it and they shook hands after the game. Really cool to see two players really fighting it out. But Alise and Zaha, just early in the game, Alysae had a chance that he should have scored. In the first minute, Zaheed had a really good chance. It's also Edison Edward. So those three goals in the first fifth three three chances in the first fifteen minutes for for crystal palace You gotta think you gotta put one of them away, but they can't do it, then they can't really muster anything else.
The emotion of the game, as we know, this is a big Darby, the M25 Darby, The history between these clubs is local. It's weird. I don't understand it. People sharing grounds. People fighting with each other. Something happened in the FA Cup in the seventies. Don't fucking know. Terry Vinnables and the other coach had a had a had a had a feud and then these things just carry on.
So Palace and Brighton always a fun fun fun game always really good. After the goal, really not many more chances, and and brighten really locked it up pretty balanced in and of itself. Although, I do remember Ohamda, had a really good shot late in the game that he pulled wide, but a really fun game. I always like to see Brighton. You know, it's my side piece team deserve you got a yellow card for yelling. It was fun, but they don't do much.
And then Bradford, off the Schneider, on the Schneider, back to their winning ways, just stomp on par old Southampton even Tony and Lisa. Lisa, of course, only scores goals in the last ten minutes of the game. Classic, Lisa, Tony Go, into Tony off his head, Lisa runs onto it, scores that goal late in the game to then give Tony the assist. Tony on sixteen goals. For the season. What a player? Kristen just shovels himself in, a real fighter, a real just great player that any team would wanna have It's sixteen goals. They're real. They're spectacular. He's, you know, he's on fourteen expected goals. Yeah. Five of them are on penalties. So what? Somebody's gotta the fucking penalties. So he's read. I love him and Burnley do get themselves back in the chance to be in the top of the League. What an incredible little moment for Burnley?
So those are the Big Week games. I believe the League is almost all cut up, but we're gonna lose some games this week that are gonna be canceled. Cancel. Cancel. But let me have a look at what the Premier League schedule looks like so we can get a sense of what is going on with that. So, wow. Here we go. Premier League Schedule.
Tomorrow, our friends at Nottingham Forrest are at home against Newcastle. This is a big game for Forrest and a big game for Newcastle. Forrest had been great at home since the World Cup and Newcastle have been poor. Just studdling along. Don't wanna lose touch of that top four battle, but they don't have a chance. Liver pull from? Canceled. Keep that in mind because Fulham is playing Manchester City Manchester United in the FA Cup. Then Bradford play Leicester City early, so they'll have second game of the week.
Lester City versus Bradford. Bradford at home, but in the daytime. Mhmm. Not sure. That could be a weird one. Tauten and play spurs. I don't know about that one. Southampton against Spirit. Spirit should be fine there. Aston Villa versus Bournemouth Bournemouth away, not really looking forward to that. Then wolves versus leads, not exactly a great game. The best game of the weekend probably is everton versus Chelsea, Daish's revolution, versus Potter's Evolution will be the Saturday late game, and we'll see how they go West Hampton City, postponed for the FA Cup, Brighton Man United, postponed for the FA Cup.
And then our friends from Arsenal Play, Crystal Palace. Palace does visit the Emirates. We'll see how Arsenal responds after losing their game. Can crystal palace get themselves back together? And when are we gonna talk about firing Patrick Vieira? The guy hasn't won a game since New Year's Eve.
I don't even know what I did on New Year's Eve. Let alone what's gonna happen with Crystal Palace. They could show up. You never know. I did see that Selipo went off and told me Asu went off. So some changes in Arsenal may be there. Getting long in the tooth. Please, Crystal Palace. Find a way. Please, just beat them. You fucking wrap after it. And then I think we got any international breaks.
So the last game on Sunday, March nineteen, then we won't see our friends in the Premier League until April first, and that will be on April first day, an early game, Man City versus Liverpool. I'm not ready. Not in the face, not in the face. That game is at the empty hat, so I'm less concerned than I would be normally. But that is real, not in the face game. That's gonna mean a ton and we'll have tons of time to go back into that game and check it out. But So we're getting all the information from the arsenal game, what the takes are. I'm looking forward to the old arsenal TV game, what they're up to, how they're feeling, how their souls are crushed. And I'm happy that their souls are crushed because frankly, liver pool are kind of a pain in the ass and kind of are a little bit weird and kind of don't really give me that much pause or fun or whatever.
I should give a little bit more to Earl and Holland. I love him. He's my favorite. I can't deal with how fucking amazing he is. I can't deal with how he how once he starts scoring goals, he goes nuts. And we saw this week to two players and two teams. I think the two breakout stars of this season have been Carvishalla from Napoli, Osimann to a lesser extent, and early Holland. So those three so Napolly as the team story and then Holland as the player story. Holland has thirty nine goals in all competitions, has already set the record set way back in nineteen thirty eight from Manchester City as most polls in the season.
Just a massive, massive player, a change and young and angry and wanting it. Lots of fun little anecdotes from Pep Guardiola talking about how he never got to meet He never got to meet Julia Roberts. She went to Manchester City, Manchester United when she went to visit and he didn't get the visitor. I guess he has posters on her wall. Lots of fun stuff. I love when Pepcordiola gets weird. It's funny. His English isn't good enough. It makes me laugh. It makes things get very, very bizarre.
Just trying to look through anything else that I need to look at, trying to think about some European things. Does anything get meant by the fact that we have two Italian teams two English teams, one German team. Why not one? Yeah. Not not really. I think these are sort of the normal ups and downs of how football changes in a season. Not much to write home about that, unfortunately. I don't think that's anything too crazy about there being two English teams. Right? City and Chelsea, to three Italian teams, Inter Milan and Napoli, one Portuguese, one Spanish, one German. So we've got a good representation I think the surprise outfits would be Napoli and Benfica, seems interesting. And actually, if I think about it Interim Milan, are probably both Surprise Office. We've been seeing a lot of athletic go at these stages, a lot of PSG at these stages. A lot of Liverpool at these stages. So historically, we've been getting Liverpool, Royale, Citi, Byron, Chelsea, PSG and sometimes spurs, but now we've got a little bit of a different thing here. So that's kind of exciting and I'm looking forward to seeing how who wins the Champions League this season.
Alright. The Thursday previews are a little bit funky, but let's Stay in touch for the FA cup. We got a lot of competitions going. We've got Arsenal out. And let's say goodbye for this episode. That was the squeaky bum time podcast with LaRonde Corteens. We are the football wing of the chopped sports channel, and we are presented exclusively by the premier streaming network. We record on Mondays and Thursdays, so be sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcast or on YouTube or wherever you do anything. So you never miss an episode. And if you're listening on Apple, please rate and review the show because it makes a difference. I love you all equally, but different.