Episode #151 – Ronaldo Hat Trick Lifts Man United, Liverpool Gain on Man City

In Episode #151 of the Squeaky Bum Time Podcast, Mike and Laurent discuss Cristiano Ronaldo’s incredible hat trick, singlehandedly lifting Manchester United to a 3-2 win over Tottenham. Also:

  • Crystal Palace hang on at home, keeping Manchester City to a scoreless draw.
  • Liverpool make up ground with a 2-0 win over Brighton
  • Jesse Marsch and Leeds notch a dramatic injury time winner, and Mike wins a ton of money!
  • Andriy Yarmolenko scores an emotional goal in his first game back for West Ham after taking time away to return home to Ukraine

Follow us on Twitter (@SqueakyBum_Pod), Instagram (@SqueakyBumTimePod) and Facebook (Squeaky Bum Time Podcast) to stay up to date!

Part of the Chop Sports Media Network!



hello and welcome to the squeaky bum time podcast with mike and lauren it is tuesday march 15th and in this episode


we have a whole hell of a lot cristiano ronaldo does cristiano ronaldo thanks to


tottenham ah armageddon with one of the moments of the season jesse marsh an amazing


comeback game for leeds but first laurent uh


anything happened today you doing oh god it happened it happened again it happened at christmas


uh crystal palace has taken four points off of city and we've dropped six points


to spurs so that's london has 10 against city yeah hell uh yeah city


away crystal palace unable to break them down they had chances


they did their city thing as i have said many times on these games if city doesn't score in the first 15


minutes they're in trouble and this game was that game city actually when i


really break it down were really really really good and so were crystal palace crystal palace defended well they had


many opportunities on the break it was one of these games where i respected palace


um i knew about palace but i just had a feeling it kept going


bernardo missed an open goal mares missed an open goal um


conselo shot a nuclear bomb no pun intended as we go later through this


time of a shot that if it had gone in it would have been goal of the season bernardo missed a second one in the


second half uh foden missed one everything that could have gone wrong


went wrong but not in a bad way it wasn't like a listless performance from city it was a really good performance


where expected goals three and a half two two and a half to point five


and you get a nil nil draw and this is what happens to city narrative dictates we must mention tm


they should have got a striker uh what the what the striker begrade never


discuss is well who's the guy who drops into midfield and help all the build-up that gets on


people on the ball to create the striker problem oh yeah you didn't get count for that because


city's whole process is that they have all these midfielders that have to take the role of striker uh phil foden did


yeoman's work doing that the weird thing was you know


i never want to hear pep guardiola talk about [ __ ] five substitutions ever again i know that's klopp's thing he


made no changes zero there was all 152 million dollars


worth of players on the bench yeah and raheem sterling couldn't come in gundagan couldn't come in and they were


kind of running out of gas at the end there a little bit of frustration players pushing each other uh emmerich


laporte missed a [ __ ] header that went off his shoulder that he was wide open he just mistimed it uh city should


have won this game they win this game nine times out of ten the heroic nature the glad all over the crystal palace


crystal knock uh going on it at sell horse park it was great gallagher did


gallagher things he had an interview at the end of the game he's like franklin can't feel my legs we run so hard i'm


like you [ __ ] god have have we fallen out of love no no i love them


i mean they had a good performance but city win this game nine times out of ten and you know it's


just one of these games city drop points they now have a one point lead assuming


all games being equal april 10th gets bigger and bigger and bigger


and i am now an arsenal fan because wednesday liverpool go to the emirates


in a please if there was ever a [ __ ] time you soft limp-wristed [ __ ] arsenal pieces


of [ __ ] get a result anything anything just don't get beat


get the draw play dirty shaka don't play shaka because he will get sent off


ah you know i bet a xhaka yellow card uh on sunday always better yellow i'm gonna better


jock in yellow card again so that is my take on the game i was hurting i was upset but any city fan i


mean city fans are a weird group um because there's so much history of being


there is literally there's literally something called typical city if there's an interesting way to lose


games we have it if there's an interesting way to blow it we blow it if there's an interesting way to find ways


to lose we are that team we were spurs before spurs but we weren't even as good as spurs we had our own terminology it


was and we used to [ __ ] things up and the old fan base still has that even though


it's now 10 years and we're still hanging on now i don't know how i came to be a city fan


but personality wise i fit right in with the worst thing is going to happen and i


just kind of felt it i was just like oh [ __ ] this is that game this is that game


uh crystal palace somehow seemed to be one of our bugaboo teams um you know there is


andros townsend wonder [ __ ] goals he's done two of them uh now nowhere to be


filed now thank god i never want to see him again um so he's lost in space and i don't want to see his uh his muffin on


his head that he wears with his weird afro but yeah city just we're good i mean there


are a lot of good things to take from it i thought like john stones is so so good i mean


you forget when he doesn't play all the time how good he is on the ball and you're just like oh all these other teams stink like when you watch city and


you watch other teams you just go oh john stones would like if spurs had john stones you'd be like he's the


greatest defender i've ever seen or like you know you watch arsenal you're like oh man ben white's good then


you go john stone he's like [ __ ] john stones eats [ __ ] ben white's lunch he's incredible he's spooky with the


ball he cruyff turns out of trouble he pangs passes across the lines i mean he


and laporte they're so so good on the ball it's so classy it's like you know city's dream they they're all midfielders except some of them are


taller so the thing that scared you was effectively it has been rendered


irrelevant for now with uh losing reuben diaz for a while yeah no i'm good uh i


think you know i i do recall it's so tough to remember how good city can be how good


sorry how good players that city have are when they aren't looking over their


shoulder and they're one mistake from not playing so you get a guy two three games in a


row and you go he's [ __ ] gold yeah because he and laporte were just


they were snuffing everything out and alicia a my guy alicia gallagher there were tons


of breaks with zaha where he and laporte just stood up and just like times when you're like oh that's when


someone dives in and it gets a penalty but they both stood their ground and really shut down and all those breaks


there were a lot of breaks by palace they did a lot of good stuff but uh you know uh didn't get it done in city


sort of sit where they are and i am going to go through the scores because


that's what we do sunday is sunday wait saturday wait wait wait yeah we had saturday games oh hold on rewind mark


mike say something interesting yeah so we had uh a lot right so i mean we're gonna go through all of them but


i actually uh had a hungover epiphany on sunday morning


and i said i was actually perusing the twitters and i saw somebody say you know chelsea's gonna win today i went yeah


okay yeah that makes sense and uh he goes leeds lee's is a good bet and i went


leeds is a good bet they're playing norwich and i went to my book and i saw chelsea


and i saw leads and i went okay and then i saw wolves where plus 250 against everton and i went huh yes i'll


have some of that i'll take that please so i parlayed the three of them oh baby and i don't know why i did that i just


didn't think and i just went okay all right and i also did chelsea and leeds and now we'll go


to the scores and we'll come back to that story all right so i think i missed the thursday scores but if we missed them midweek newcastle kept their run


going against southampton 2-1 they're cruising chelsea with abramovich sanctions coming out of their ass we


don't know how many games they have left apparently tuko is going to drive them to france to play lille uh but they win


3-1 versus norwich but then we go into match week 29 it starts on saturday when my friends from brighton who are now on


a five-game losing streak lose to liverpool they try to kill diaz uh the new luis diaz uh but oh i didn't see


that yeah uh but brighton lose two nil to bright to to but brighton lose to an out to liverpool liverpool were good but


not amazing salah with his 20th goal his contract status is up in here brentford


off the schneid on the schneid they are gold they're up to burnley drop down it


looks like brentford's gonna be safe now that was a huge one we called it out your beloved tottenham hotspur get


ronaldo 3-2 they united were not good i thought spurs were really good um


we'll talk a lot more about this one but ronaldo did ronaldo things chelsea then defeat uh newcastle one-nil in a


controversial game they don't get the calls uh havarts with a crazy [ __ ] goal really nice should have been sent


off for an elbow var what are you doing and then shalabah literally drags down uh jacob murphy no call no problem uh


i'll go to everton wolves everton are terrible uh they don't score a goal


frank lampard hey uh maybe he's not a good manager seeing as tucle took that team got them three draws in a row then


took off and won the champions league that was weird leeds hit the last minute oh baby lees


get a 2-1 victory that was emotional and beautiful west ham win 2-1 uh in another


emotional and beautiful game watford old man roy getting his team off the schneid


uh they win with two cuckoo hernandez is a fun player he scores goals uh liver and then we go into yes sunday we're


into sunday arsenal two lester fall apart hey you know what mike lester gave


up a goal on what on a corner that's now 15 on the season that's one


every other game that's insane and then we just talked about it palace


do what they do to city again and we have games when the two games on wednesday you play brighton


no you know what we'll win though and we'll get into why when we talk about united uh and arsenal play liverpool what i was


just talking about so those are the scores and let's go to let's go to uh old trafford do we have


to we do have all right fine uh i'm looking up a tweet that i saw earlier


um about tottenham's last 15 games are they are they win loss win loss win loss win pretty


much yeah yeah uh yeah tottenham's last 15 results win loss win


loss win loss win loss loss win loss win loss win loss that's unbelievable we're


gonna kick the [ __ ] out of brighton because of that but wow against my team this game was a lot


because again it was it was a super enjoyable game and it was a frenetic first half


that so many times i was watching with my friend who's a united fan so many times we both said this in half like the


second half is gonna be a fart noise right like it just peters out and the game calms down


but this one was end to end for basically the first kick of the ball to the last and um


so obviously it's the ronaldo show um but i think that there were moments


where you're like you can't let him do that right like um


the first goal just so first of all he gets mad that he doesn't get a handball in the box and he just gets literally


goes into berserker mode and scores one from 25 30 yards now if you watch that play


fred has this dink like cheeky little flick that and then he makes the run that opens up the space which is really


good and so dyer is caught in no man's land on that point the obvious he doesn't move that well up and down


sometimes right but he he knows what he is he knows he's not but he goes if i charged at ronaldo guess who's getting


walked right around yeah right so he's like damn if you do damage you don't and he goes i'm gonna try and block this shot but make a perfect shot guess what


so one note to united um but spurs fight back right and and uh i thought that you


know i thought that we had significantly better of the game and i'm trying i would agree i mean it's not it's not too


it's not too crazy it's pretty the the stats are close the stats are close but i i still you


know having watched it i'm like okay there's it's kind of back and forth we end up getting the penalty that's what


it was to make it 1-1 and um there were chances before that though we had a goal called offer offside which


rightfully so of course but like um so kane puts it home from the penalty spot


unstoppable never gonna miss fine um


the second goal for united stayed with me because uh it's again it's ronaldo coming across


sancho who by the way was great sancho made a couple of mistakes in this game but i think the important thing was that


he's getting good he was feeling it to the point where he's like i'm gonna [ __ ] it up i'm gonna lose the ball sometimes but i'm gonna do


[ __ ] like this and he walks all the way around uh he's all the way down the left side


he plays it into ronaldo for a tap in but um that is so offside


except for sergio reggione's back foot on the other side of the field


it looked so offside well because dyer stepped up and when i saw him step up but this is before they


have the lines on the field i'm like ha ha all right you giveth and he take it away we're all right and then they do


the lines and i see reggion's foot like 40 yards from the ball which by the way


is such a bastardization of the spirit of the rule i know i just


you gotta laugh right sometimes it [ __ ] you sometimes it doesn't but like i just ah christ you know and then you get you


get another you get another on a harry potter head right that but but uh the [ __ ] housing


by your man uh who's your romero he was there i mean he was there but


harry maguire had every right to get up and punch him in the face oh yeah so for the young initiator who didn't see the goal uh it goes off a slab head stupid


face uh and into the net 2-2 to spurs 72nd minute we were in the ascendancy


this game you score that goal and you're like we're gonna go win this [ __ ] game now um and as


romero's genuine first reaction is one of my favorite moments of the year for spurs it's been a tough year and he just


bends over in in and yells and it's fire's face and yell laughs


in his face you [ __ ] idiot or whatever he says it runs off does not rain


yeah it was it definitely was um but then he was then victimized well he


wasn't but like uh again a goal off of a corner but like hey um i marked him


with [ __ ] matt doherty like number seven keep an eye on number seven


i get we're doing zonal marking i understand that it works sometimes hey


just don't let number seven beat you right like i feel like that should be a good but it's a good header man oh yeah


no no absolutely but it also was matt doherty he beat on the [ __ ] like what are we doing here


guys and for united as much as we talk about them it makes a huge difference when they have veran in there holy [ __ ]


it's just like yeah they're just another level a level of quality that they don't have in a


normal basis another thing that i noticed uh straight away from kickoff was that um


paul pogba is a bit um famous for his hairdos and oh it's fun uh yeah for for his uh flamboyant


appearance shall we say he went well he he went scorched earth he shaved his head he looked scared so he will


from hereby be known as on the squeaky bum time podcast as paul penis because that is


exactly what he looks like um so i think there's i think i think


there's a highlander reference for men united there can only be one uh yeah they can only have one


portuguese guy playing at a time the ronaldo goals were bruno's goals


especially the first one he was ronaldo was going into spots where bruno normally is sure


yep and the first one definitely and i think that doesn't make that shot though oh yes he


does he can make that shot uh i mean he hasn't been but you know what i mean i think the issue for united


is when your team is selected based on the strengths and weaknesses of the players in the side not that you have to


play them the team is much better yeah right letting pogba roam free and


having matic and fred do the running and having uh rashford even though he was


bad having rashford and sancho running off ronaldo and ronaldo and you can have


you can have guys roaming free and doing things and pressing but you have to have a balance and united just looked so much


more balanced without having ronaldo and fernandez so yeah it's a tough call


um but they weren't good well look another day spurs wins that game oh yeah


without question meanwhile he missed a good job he's been yeah um i thought that it was


interesting right before the first goal that uh ronaldo scored there was um there was an opportunity for kane


uh who ended up taking one more touch and then tried to play it into somebody on the on the right wing


he shoots and scores on that every time i've seen him in that area and so that was the weird difference early on i was


like my superstar didn't take his shot and yours did the probability of which if you would have told me when they both


had the ball on their foot it's like kane scoring and ronaldo's not right i mean this was the thing the thing to


keep in mind is like this was a really good game from ronaldo like eight shots five on target like this is vintage oh


there's the best player of all time is on my team now sure sure right uh but we


let's let's move to uh but the thing is that he did a lot of the things we've lauded kane for doing over the


last two to three years especially as you mentioned with those guys running off of him it was it was lucas it was


son and he was dropping back which allowed him he's 37 years old he's not going to burn for 90 minutes like that


okay so what he so what he's doing is he and the other thing is he knows you're watching him at all times except for


when during the game-winning [ __ ] goal um but so he's getting into areas and spaces where he could get the ball


and move or shoot like if he wanted from 30 yards out so um yeah i thought that the the the one-two play with sancho as


i mentioned was unbelievable rashford not his best effort but you know i mean like sometimes that happens


in that setup sometimes you become so one-sided that the other winger is like he's more or


less just there for show um but they get the points tremendously important game for their top four race uh their title


their top four charge i should say um spurs are in the dust it's hard to really say where they go from here who


the [ __ ] knows with spurs if they win two or three in a row sure they're not


gone but like this is this is you can lose this game right i've said this on the


show a lot you can lose this game you can lose to to city who they are [ __ ] impervious against um


but yeah this was a this was not a bad loss no that's what i'm saying this one stings


because you basically got beaten by a one-man band but you can get past it if you beat burnley and southampton and get


a result versus wolves at home and all these other points you're leaving on the board that now


those are the points that you're missing between you and arsenal and united so yeah it would if if you get to the the


the brat the tax end of the season right the business end i should say of the season and you are in these races those are the


points that you go what the [ __ ] what did we even do there because now you've got games against brighton against


arsenal you know you can have a direct impact it's those burnley games it's the burnley games and


stuff like that so yeah i mean speaking of i got over this one pretty quickly but it's like i said it's it's


it's the other games that end up killing you you know yeah and speaking of teams that handle these kind of games arsenal


have not been dropping points against [ __ ] teams for a while and they take care of leicester at home and they've got


something going they're brewing they are cooking they're playing for fun they are


doing their thing and it's been consistency we now it's week on week on week on week with arsenal where they


really beat the [ __ ] out of leicester pretty good put put 20 shots on goal so on on the regular with six on target


it's really you know no vardy no party for for the great and powerful lester who are now weirdly playing for the


europa conference league that uh uh brendan rodgers said he didn't know what it was uh now he does so because that's


a season they're just they're so unraveled all over the field harvey


barnes i watched this game harvey barnes was the only semblance of offense for the club the entire day it was it was


like watching it was like watching an old dog die it was horrible


yeah it's it's weird it's weird their um their defensive problems are just so


prevalent and i i i remember when soyuentu first came and i thought that holy [ __ ] that's the


guy united needed now that's the guy nobody needs so hinchu is awful he seems to get worse


and these he's been the one who's been there the whole time he's still the right age he's still a good age only 25.


he runs like a deer but he seems to need uh johnny evans who knew johnny evans


was going to be the most important player who was basically holding this team together it's bizarre but uh you


know the their fullbacks never really came back pereira is a shell of himself you know they just don't have


what they need and you know they're in mid-table now they're just like we're fine we're safe we're not going anywhere


we're not gonna finish in a top four we're in that that group that group of play that group of teams that's good on


a day but then can lose to anybody or beat anyone but with arsenal they're just playing sharp and if i could give


more love to odegaard i would weirdly the shakka party is actually


working now party and shop seem to be getting together and not making parties so as i said party was unbelievable


yeah really he was all over the place he had the first goal on a header he should have had a second one which ended up being a penalty late in the game yeah um


uh jacques like we said well let's wait until wednesday's over before we let's maybe hang on to that um yeah they're


just good it's weird and saka was was electric he was he was really really


good it's weird like they they don't have to play smith row i mean they have this rotating martinelli smith row thing


and then they've got the veteran lacazette who's just sacrifices he does everything they need he drops into the


midfield he sprays balls out wide he's just good like it's one of these strikers


in these modern offenses he's in the firmino role he's in the


he's in the city striker drop in role these these strikers that don't score goals but you can see you're like oh


they make the team run because you've got these wingers that are super fast super dynamic but they can't they


don't have the skill to play at the nine the way these teams want to play the nine and they just they just bring


people in all the time saka's just played in martinelli just played in all the time they're just starting trouble


and while arsenal have four games in hand or three three of those games in hand are liverpool on wednesday spurs


and and chelsea so those are not gimmies and we're going to learn more about arsenal


uh on wednesday um this is going to be i i don't expect i don't expect them to


win but i don't expect them to get blown out either no i can see the days of them


yeah the days of them getting the doors blown off them are probably behind them i would expect


but you know it could be tight like they should have beat city in that one nil in in january they have the last really bad


blowout they had was no it's it's been a while they haven't really gotten beaten badly for a while


well they have everton loss on the books yeah um what i would say though is uh and we


talked about giving up goals well yeah but we talked a lot about a lot on the show um they have guys who


have the englishness who will play for the shirt who are they're they're getting up for this game they want to go


and not just spoil liverpool's title themselves but they want to announce themselves for next season and in the


champions league races so there is a lot more than pride on the line here for arsenal but i think if it were only


pride it would still be a competitive game based on that so i like this game i


i do wonder if they're ready to do this i think if arteta is smart


he will not play shaka in this game i agree i just thought of something is


is this the classic oh here come the arsenal oh wait no liverpool beat him for nothing right


like that it could be that it could be that i do worry for that


but that's what i'm saying i think that's one of those narratives where i i i understand this is this is


well this is the moment these are the moments i don't know i i this is the final boss this is a this is one of those moments where can


they have a good perform i mean they did have a really good performance against city where they should have won


um and the emirates is loud it's got some juice


it can be it's this is a you can admit it or not this is a likable group


you know what it is yeah bothers me really likable you really like ramsdale shouting and being


afraid to watch the team take penalties and shout at his end you really like saka and smith rowe and the high socks


and the and the marnelli yeah and all that all the weirdness all the weirdness and and odegaard like this weird


norwegian kind of smooth operator who who has flicks and tricks not because he's flashy but just because that's how


it's done dude i'll say this and it's a great segue he reminds me a hell of a lot


he's he's more he's more flashy maybe not as functional reminds me a lot of early christian


erickson he has that quality yes right and they're they're both of viking def


descent exactly not the same vikings different but norwegian versus they were all [ __ ] each other at some point


okay yeah and you wanted to you want to segue into yeah let's go into brentford burnley because yeah i saw a


side-by-side of brentford's first goal compared to a goal that spurs scored in the 2019 season


and it was the exact same spot with the exact same spot part of christian


erickson's foot onto ivan tony's head and two year three years ago it was on


say harry kane's head so if he stays there and they stay up there's no reason next season even tony


couldn't be booked for 25 goals absolutely it could happen what do you mean if


erickson stays if american state if eric's state yeah yeah oh yeah because they'll run for him all day yup and he


won't have to which is good because his heart will explode but that was a huge win for them and


burnley was that was just i don't well we've been saying we trust but come on hold on let's let's


let's dive back to before the game starts right so burnley has a couple games ahead they're on 21 points in 19th


place uh they actually were in 18th place before the watford win i believe and


brentford's on 27. they're not safe going into this game at all this was the


okay realistically out of what nine games left they probably need five points yeah it's right it's 35 36


you're totally good they go into that game going we need eight or nine points and they got a third of them right there right so he


said it's gonna take eight wins and they have eight and and like everything else we've talked about in this race how many times has it turned on a team winning


two in a row there you are brentford so you're you're doing okay thankfully that makes me happy i i think if anybody's


listening to the show uh for more than a few episodes you know that our love for brantford runs deep so yeah it lasts a


while but then it came back i was just sad see staying in the bottom we have leads who also get off the schneid and


get their wins in a row this was huge they had they had played well against


against leicester city and should have won then got beat pretty badly against your mob is that right four nil oh yeah


they got smoked that was the game that killed the elsa yeah and then this this game


they are winning they're doing fine they of course give up the obligatory goal it is leeds after all pascal struck


all right so let's live this game through vicariously through through my eyes so again you've got money on the


line i had mentioned the parlay and it was a it was a hefty little uh little chunk of change it was 800 bucks uh to


win i didn't put that much on it i don't have a problem uh i put 100 bucks on it to win 800 or 200 win it doesn't matter


um so early they're up a goal chelsea i have chelsea wolves and lee's all money line


leeds is up early wolves are up early and then they have the red card so it got a little cager than i thought at everton wolves but i never really paid


attention to that um but chelsea chelsea i had the same feeling that you had watching man city and i'm like it's just


that game it's blah blah like they're not gonna get it they're not gonna get it so in the span of let's say


five minutes chelsea score in the 89th minute they go up one nil these are


still up one one one nil i'm in the money right now yes norwich


you son of a [ __ ] in the 91st first yes


wow oh boy i i sat there and luckily what the thing that i do when i catch a bad


beat or a loss is i just go catatonic and i internalize it which means the show is probably not going to make it


through like another 10 or so episodes because i'm gonna also have a christian ericsson and die um


so 91st minute kenny mclean from pookie um ties it and we're on to four plus


minutes of stoppage time now at the restart jesse march brings on joe gelhardt joe


gelhardt top scorer in the premier league two last season with 11 goals the leeds fans love him he's like 12 years


old he is their future striker where has he been all year why don't you just play him uh but he comes off the bench and


it happens he wins the headers he pushes yeah he pushes rafinha out


almost through to the right rafinha dances around the keeper it's a really nice


juice it was sexy and then he salts it right back over to gelhart who taps it in


and there was a pants optional party in my living room holy [ __ ] it was just


like ellen road it was just like i'm telling you it was awesome and i'm gonna pay i'm gonna repay leads um for this


okay on friday and if anybody is in the new york city area you're more than welcome to join uh i will be at the


leeds bar watching the leads uh i think they're playing wolves match that's nice friday


4 p.m it's one of those weird easter uh daylight savings time but not really in england things you got the late start


and i am going to be in that number it's going to be a lot of fun you're just going to leads


you just yeah because i have a couple hours to kill before i go to see my brother so i was like [ __ ] it


all right so leeds it is you're going to love it they're probably going to love you you're going to you're going to kiss everybody it's going to be great


norwich we know they're just done like the less we talk about them the better however they still have game if they win


two in a row they they're they go from 17 to 20. they went too low they're almost not in trouble


right right speaking of the other friends down in in the hell that is the relegation fight uh um


southampton lose to watford uh just watford you bastards roy hodgson you


[ __ ] they do win the xg battle chucho hernandez scores two goals one in a fourteen one on the 34th he's been


scoring some quality goals i have watched some southampton stuff a lot of dominance from southampton and then


somehow giving up goals they have this in them they are a weird team they're still well coached they're just not as


good as you want them to be ward prows a missed header by them that could have brought this game level but


watford get off the schneid they're now ahead of burnley but they're on 29. uh who else did we have there was someone


else oh everett yeah we touched on everything and that's the thing i


okay i've been playing this game the whole year they have three games in hand this couldn't possibly happen to them right


yeah but now they lose another player with a red card he's gonna miss a couple games they don't have enough at this point that's good


yeah they're really bad they're just not even creating anything now wow wolverhampton the wolves are tough like


that's not a joke oh no i i did not think that it would be this close yeah it was but at home everton needed


those games at home i think there was a belief that sure frank lampard wants you to press


and attack but doesn't really show the details of it you thought that


everton would just play frenetic and score goals accidentally and win games just because they're better


but i think they've now got like the rock creeping in where they're playing with fear


they're playing with no confidence i know that there's numbers and metrics and all these things that happen within


all sports but if there is one game that lives on emotion and time and there's no timeouts


and the players are on the field and it is the name of our show so drink get ready it is squeaky bum time for everton


they're not handling things well they just like what happened to dominic calvert lewin


is he dead did they stop does he does he not play anymore is he just is he broken


so charleston's keeps trying to score goals i forget in the in the title meme i


don't think he started but he certainly made an appearance and he just looked completely disengaged didn't give a [ __ ]


right uh and richarlison is out there basically doing it by himself to what extent that he can


he's not that good he just runs hard and he's brazilian so you think he's really good well he almost hit the bar


no i i right but i'm saying he has he has the ability to win a game for you


but not often not by himself right now no not enough i mean andrus how is damari gray not


playing all the games why is andres townsend still on this team like what the [ __ ] is going on they pull


daily alley dally's giving them nothing i mean what is going on surprise me so there's


three games there are three they're four games excuse me that they do have in hand are wow


burnley leicester city watford and crystal palace so they've


got some bums they've they can they can right but they have an easy schedule it should be okay until they get into this


yeah i'm saying is those are two two of those that i mentioned right watford those are knife fights yes those


are if you don't win one of those games you're going down yeah it's getting it's getting uh it's


getting kind of heavy they've got both of those teams take points off of you you're in deep [ __ ] pal yes yes yes


they've got to beat [ __ ] watford they have to beat they have to win one of those games


and by by have to win i mean you can't draw both of them that's not good enough yeah and they've got they've got a new


castle in the makeup game like they're not they're gonna feel down they're not


nailed down to beat newcastle no i would take newcastle on that absolutely absolutely and i think by then trippier


will be back yeah so they're a mess they hand over all the power to


rafa benitez who fires all this hierarchy and directors of football and


scouting network and he transfers out dyna and then they fire him


yeah like that's just stupid like what are you doing like


i think and i mean this with the bottom of my heart if they [ __ ] rode with benitez they'd be fine


he would have found a way because he would have just been in the situation that they're in right now he but by by fine they would be in the


premier league next year and he would be gone yes and fans would hate it and he you


just this this team is a mess they've got russian oligarch connectivity


they've got financial fair play [ __ ] going on they're not fine if they go to the championship and try and build that


stadium they could disappear like these things i don't think people understand i mean our


english fans you guys know but when you go down it's not a guarantee that you bounce


back up you need infrastructure you need a way to play you need everything to be good you need to be able to go


okay we're down here we know how to get out right yeah because you can it's five


seasons all of a sudden nottingham forest two-time european champions


it's now 20 years in the championship yeah brentford was what 70 years between


their topics i know i know but like you're not a big team leeds


in the wilderness 16 years city had some tough moments city or you


know city were were in the role of crystal palace we


were kind of like a we're here hey we go down sometimes but not all the time we had some trophies in our history but you


know it's they won a playoff one the most famous game before the aguero goal was a league


one championship two goals down in in extra time to bring to penalties against


gillingham and tony pulis in 1999 i've watched that game [Laughter]


because i needed to feel it um what do we got left we've got we've got we've covered a lot of stuff do you want


to talk about jesse marsh a little yeah yeah i mean i'm happy to see that i mean again that's a a big win over a


a plucky but sort of hapless knowledge team but again three points gets you from that conversation we were just in


with everton and watford and burnley too out of it for now right like hey keep


moving it's very much it is very much for now but the the relegation fight is


literally ever i mean leads are on 26 everton's on 22 and then watford's on 22 burnley's on


21 norch on 17. it's really three from four and one of


those four is everton which is insane if you would have told me or not me if


you would have told everton fans who rejoicing and dancing in the streets when they when they got rid of rafa


benitez like you said moments after they also started the season three


and one 3-0 yeah yeah but like i i want to hear like how that


all went down they're like all right cool so like the ownership is like asking for a recap of the transfer


window activity like right so okay so did you bring anybody in yeah we got dele alli uh oh cool they mean that


stark from tottenham uh yeah yeah let's go with yeah yeah is he still good yeah yeah


yeah he's still good um okay great uh uh


yeah right donnie vanderbilt oh you mean the guy that manchester united bought for like 50 million a couple years ago that's the guy we got him does he play


well you know did you spend a lot on him no no we didn't no we didn't spend a lot of money oh okay cool um well all right


then uh how did you get any defenders yeah how did you fund this this these


moves uh we um we we um we sold luca they


we sold our primary offensive creator we sold luca dean


i'm sorry what yeah no he's not on the team anymore yeah why ah we i just i didn't i didn't i


didn't like him he was not very nice to me in pr in training one time four months ago


and i never forgot that [ __ ] yeah yeah oh you're fired you're fi get the [ __ ] out pack your [ __ ] right now get the


[ __ ] out yeah they just didn't get like guys who are up for the fight and even they're even lampard is he has he been in a


relegation battle uh never right no is delhi no vanderbeek


no they're not these guys are up for and as long as michael keane is playing they're not [ __ ] winning oh he's


unwatchable he's actually he's very watchable i'll tell you when he's watchable when you're going against him the other one is


who i love and i dearly am sad to see him the way he is my boy seamus killman


who i've loved since his leighton baines days when he broke his leg i just always liked him he's now a year he's year 13


still the core of defense he's like my guy you gotta go didn't he have like an absolute


thunderbolt at anfield one time like at the end of the game to beat liverpool or maybe to start a draw


there's no way because because they never beat liverpool no no it was it was a draw


oh okay well then yes yes i do recall that as a draw maybe and this but this would have been pre-klopp


oh yeah it was pre-clop oh okay he's been there since the [ __ ] war of 1812. yes yes he he was there when the


irish troubles were still going on i'm not he was part of the accords oh i remember this


we've got to talk we've got to talk the love and joy of football the uh yarmolenko goal uh west ham at home


so so we know about the war in ukraine it's awful it's terrible respect to the


ukrainians they're really holding out they're doing like crystal palace versus manchester city but just like 90 minutes


let's try 20 days yeah so they're a smart man once said it's tough to win on the road it is tough to win on the


road so they're doing well on the road but yarmolenko who is born in russia of


ukrainian parents he's from st petersburg aka petrogad aka something grad stalingrad i don't know something


they change their names all the time over there depending on who killed who um so it i think it's back to st


petersburg so he's russian-born to ukrainian parents the war begins


he's got to figure out what the [ __ ] going on his family he takes i think seven or eight day leave it's affecting


him he's having a hard time west ham has been great to him very classy west ham a community


based team it's the it's the east london it would be like if the lower east side had a team and the


lower east side was still the bowery boys so freeze new york city in 1930 put a team on like bowery and canal street


and that team is [ __ ] west ham yeah and then take their stadium away and


make them go all the way to the bronx sort of or make them go to like the the [ __ ] hudson yards yeah right right


right [ __ ] you [ __ ] yes and yours would be more like the east side be like where the u.n is probably anyway so


yarmolenko comes on uh late i don't know the circumstance of it but the goal is [ __ ] killer it's


one touch boom uh in the box someone fires it into him he grabs it hits it in


and he has a really cool celebration he runs over drops on his knees puts his hands up then it's hands to the


face the whole stadium aston villa fans the whole stadium so


there's a way in no one's booing the pla his fa the teammates around him and he's just weeping it's affected him you can't


not feel for that moment where you know that someone is at work and doing their thing


they're having a moment of emotion of feeling of worrying about his family of


worrying about i bet you his house is split in half his parents are probably old be like putin's all right and he's like we're [ __ ] ukrainian but we're


in russia it's all fake aren't they all nazis no they're not all [ __ ] nazis although ukrainians


don't talk to them about jews but anyway that's a different story at a different time uh and then the


african students trying to get across the border that was weird too um but anyway they're fighting sometimes black


and white so he cries it's a moment football lives on


forever um it's a badish loss for aston villa who seemed to had a


little blip then they right the ship but this is a this is not a good loss uh for


um for the in the war of claret and blue however well hold on i don't know i don't know


that i agree with that west ham have top four aspirations in this goal while they win 2-1 but that


puts them back into the conversation into the race they're still the dark horse for the race but let's be clear


what champions league is to arsenal europa league is to west ham and by the way they finally did lose in europa


league midweek yeah but they still have a shot against sevilla no of course no i don't think they've done it i think that's something


but yeah i think the thing with west ham is they are a live


fighter they seem to have the structure to take punches


they seem to be running a long a they're a marathon runner they're going to take you to distance they're going to give


you the jake lamotta to uh sugar ray robinson you never knock me down jake you never knocked me down


and they will keep fighting and they're gonna keep on going and they're still lingering they're still waiting there


you [ __ ] up west ham will [ __ ] jump you they'll just show up weak they will jump you uh they're not getting goals


from from antonio but that doesn't matter maybe yarmolenko can sort of


summon something as long as rice and suck are in the middle there they are


doing things because the goal for yarmolenko was set up by a run from deep


from rice he just took off he's six foot something he's very upright he's an odd


runner but he doesn't lose the ball and he just had his head up the whole time you're like there he goes oh there's declan rice running through the midfield


going from offense to defense fires a pass into yomolenko being bombash the goal happens um and that was cool and a


moment that football mattered again the goal i will say for villa is an important goal because it's from our


friend and yours mr jacob ramsey the best young midfielder to come out of


england in a long time just 20 years old already on six goals out of the midfield


um you know they've got a good thing going there in aston villa it helps when you get funded uh i don't know what


gerrard does i think he just walks in the room and says i'm steven gerrard give me the [ __ ] players i need and


you're just like okay i got it yeah we go again okay fine don't slip uh but they got this uh i mean it is weird


but they don't slip i know i know i know um but it's no they're fine though


watkins i i mentioned this in the in the middle of the game against palace and we talked


about this last week but that group that [ __ ] dirty bunch of


villa southampton palace leicester brighton newcastle that group


they're [ __ ] troublesome they'll [ __ ] you up they're good they have good coaches whether where they are in the


table how their season has gone any day of the week you'll be like [ __ ] jacob


ramsey scored a [ __ ] goal on us and they bless up or palace you're like what the [ __ ] where the [ __ ] is zaha going


that [ __ ] and elise throw it throws in a cross or you you play lester and it's like jamie vardy [ __ ] in with madison


god damn those [ __ ] they're all really tough and that brings the middle is good yeah the middle wednesday so


you've got uh you've got spurs going to the amex or whatever it's called now again at uh


you're beloved they they've really i think i don't think they realized how much dan burn


meant to them uh it's weird i think there's a signal when you sell a player who's like hey that was our that that


guy played center back he played left back now he's gone like what are you guys doing but


they bought him for four sold them for 15 for a team like brighton they do that every day yeah absolutely


yeah and so um they play your mob the logic says win loss win loss win loss win loss this is going to be a win for


spurs um and they sure as hell need one but um the question i have a tough game


man i see that as a draw of course of course um the question i have is does lucas get


in because he's obviously been a bright spot he looked great off the bench the other day sunny was kind of absent they


took kulaszewski off for lucas down a goal late i would not have


done that i would have taken sonny off i i first guessed it at the time didn't have it on twitter so sorry but um you


just kind of have to take my word for it no i thought that um there are games where where sonny kind


of disappears and that's okay um but you've got to recognize when they are and and just yank them first i don't


think i don't think it's against i don't think it's against brighton because brighton our possession team


brighton are a team that play on the front foot brighton our player our team that push up with their fullbacks it's


the kind of game where in transition you need sony and i think that if


if you don't play sunny in that game that's probably a bad idea i wouldn't even disagree with that but


what i'm saying is i think lucas gives you a lot of the same now i'm not saying he's as clinical as as uh sunny is but i


think that they're very similar players so it makes you wonder does kulaseski give way should he absolutely not he's


been i for my money he was the best not player not named ronaldo on the field on


sunday or saturday whenever the game was then we've got he's got the liverpool arsenal which we've already talked about


as like good god please for all love of jesus may all the gods the old and the new


find the spirit of patrick vieira bless thomas parte to attack and destroy


liverpool and treat them like the scouse [ __ ] that they are because we need them


to not win a draw is fantastic i think a draw would be the most uh interesting outcome for


the neutral right for the title race um because then you're still a full three points behind or they're ahead


ahead of liverpool yeah watch watch arsenal just get the doors blown off them i'm sorry anyway


man it's possible it's possible because it's also possible every year every [ __ ] year no i've never come the


difference is i've never come around on it i've always been like these [ __ ] phonies this is nonsense you just wait


you just wait yeah so let's see we'll see i'm drinking i'm drinking i had a red gatorade for this show that's how


much i'm drinking then then thursday we'll probably be able to talk about the results here but everton newcastle if there's a must win for everton it's that


one they gotta win that game what are you doing i mean they're all must wins until they win one


at this point but yeah and then i think it's an fa cup week because there's weird makeup games so arsenal play on


wednesday and then villa on saturday i think arsenal are looking for four points from those two


in any order sorry i'm looking up the fa cup pictures it is uh and there's not


really much to write home about middlesbrough versus chelsea they've taken down united in spurs so we'll see


uh palace versus everton what if everton get into the seminary they should mail that game they should mail that game in


or or try and win it like just do whatever who cares no because you're not gonna beat city or


liverpool or chelsea in the next round like just go now dude no no no no no no no no you never give up a trophy if you


don't have to you do if it's going to destroy your [ __ ] club for 20 years for for palace you go ball to leather


sure you're safe no i'm saying everton get out of there like


go figure out how to get eight more points the rest of the season you [ __ ] frauds like just stay and then


then we've got we've got wolves so we've got games basically the rest of the week uh and then i think there's champions


league on tuesday i think atletico so we'll talk about you guys we talked about a few times before that but yeah


we've got games every day of the week this is the game today the time of year right so this weird thing and and so for


the old heads on the on the show and we love you um you'll know that we've talked about how there's games thick and


fast pretty much [ __ ] what every week for the last two seasons right like almost a year and a half because of all


the makeups and all that stuff and all that this is as i said earlier in the show the business end of the season


where you usually do and most clubs teams that don't usually have midweek games have makeups right um so there's


usually some stuff going from now until may 15th right but we've got man united atletico tomorrow


that's that's two that's one one on aggregate we've got ix benfica that's


2-2 on aggregate juventus villarreal that's 1-1 on aggregate and then we've got chelsea we've got [ __ ] tucle


driving the bus to chelsea because they barely have money so i don't know how that game's going to go but


chelsea may not score but they don't give it up too they don't have to donate up to no yeah yeah yeah yeah so so


tuesday's champions league wednesdays spurs brighton and arsenal big big games thursday's everton's uh lifeline game


wolves leads you'd expect leeds to lose that game but hey you never know and then villa arsenal on saturday and then


i believe that's it for saturday but i'm not sure


i'm looking right now friday we've got tottenham west ham on sunday uh which i'm looking forward to


and so hopefully i'll be at the spring oh no no no that oh no match postpo yeah yeah all of it all the rest is postponed


do you have west ham on sunday yep oh so you're playing during the weekend and then lester brentford so there's a


bunch of games and we'll go through that on thursday but we're running late on time but we went through we given this


is like a weird three-quarter mark we're in the home stretch kind of update episode where mike and i are here we


took care of everything we needed to do mike tell us what i need to do all right let's get out of here hey that was the


squeaky bum time podcast with mike salerno and laurent cortese we are the football wing of the chop sports network


still and fanhub who we love we record on tuesdays and fridays so be sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcast


so you never miss an episode please write reviews we need them and come on



By Laurent Courtines

I'm here and I am ready to go. Been doing my homework and I have things to say.

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