In Episode #147 of the Squeaky Bum Time Podcast, Mike and Laurent review the amazing Carabao Cup Final between Chelsea and Liverpool, including the controversial substitution of Kepa Arrizabalaga for Edouard Mendy in goal for the Blues. Also:
- Leeds and Marcelo Bielsa part ways after a Premier League record-setting month for goals allowed after a 4-0 loss to Tottenham
- American Jesse Marsch gets the Leeds job, can he keep them from relegation?
- Is Cristiano Ronaldo washed up?
- Sean Dyche’s Burnley are… fun? What?!
Follow us on Twitter (@SqueakyBum_Pod), Instagram (@SqueakyBumTimePod) and Facebook (Squeaky Bum Time Podcast) to stay up to date!
Part of the Chop Sports Media Network!
Transcript
hello bum time podcast with mike laurent
it is tuesday march 1st or is it
february 29th i never know in this
episode caramel cup is not crap who knew
pielsa out marsh in americans in the
premier league not good does anyone know
what the [ __ ] a handball is but first
mike abramovic said he has no ties to
putin but somehow
he's in belarus negotiating on behalf of
ukraine
that's weird what say you i don't i i uh
uh it's been an
interesting week for the embattled
chelsea owner right uh we're actually
gonna have a guest on thursday's show
ollie carpenter um
and a resident expert in both chelsea
and uh the intersection of sport and and
politics and fascism and fashion he runs
goal lytics uh so check them out on
twitter uh but you'll hear a whole lot
more from him on thursday or friday i
should say um
about that whole situation it's interest
it's interesting to find somebody like
this because we're just as famously once
called two idiots with a microphone um
and it's going to be interesting to see
him
chat with us and as i was sort of
talking to him in our like direct
message conversation yeah i was like
explain this to me like i'm five right
so that's what we're gonna get yeah
that's what we're gonna give to all of
our fans and all the listeners so we're
excited for that yeah i mean we're kind
of we kind of we're a little we're a
little low-brow we're a little high brow
we're a little european history we're a
little a little bit country we're a
little bit rocky but i really love the
intersection of war
and and abramovic and chelsea and all
this stuff it's amazing this if i could
be on the show it would be all world war
ii references but first i'm gonna do the
scores here i go
uh leeds nil four to spurs harry kane's
pass was incredible we say goodbye to mr
marcelo bielsa the leeds fans love him
was he good i don't know we have
newcastle beating brentford at home
two-nil there was a red card in the
first 10 minutes var got him but the
good news the positive news of that was
the return of christian erickson yay
brighton my beloved brighton are scared
of going to their level aston villa get
back on the schneid get off the sheli
they re-schneid they're schneiding they
win two-nil they're doing well ollie
watkins looking good and oh my god
watford mill
nil to manchester united this was a
battering holy [ __ ] cristiano ronaldo
might be finished but it's a nil nil
battering but watford great and powerful
watford took four points off man united
and got their coach fired what
1-1 burnley the burnley renaissance
continues they say unbeaten in their
last seven and manchester city struggle
in a one-nil victory at goodison park
there was some controversy in this game
and the sunday game because we had the
venerable uh
carabao cup on
sunday was west ham one wolves nil this
was another statement game wolves
sliding they're not as good west ham
staying in the fight for the top four
and that takes us
to the carabao cup
let's say you mic on carabao cup i
could not be more thrilled with the
outcome um
i frankly i am not a fan of either team
and that's putting it very
diplomatically i [ __ ] hate both teams
i would obviously if i had to choose
between the two guns in my head i hate
chelsea far more um local
local local rifles yeah and but i just i
was like whatever man
i ended up watching i didn't watch the
first half i watched the second half and
then extra time um and then of course
the penalties and
edward mendy for me was man of the match
like not close he was unbelievable
kelleher was good too by the way and the
only other person who had a claim to it
is is the fourth official
because he has his flag up so many times
right so
i mean weirdly it could have been it
kind of should have been mason mount and
pulisic pulisic was creating chances
early in the 10 roll uh i thought
havertz was i thought the attack from
chelsea was really very good yeah no i
mean they've got a lot of good play
really good attacking players so that's
not that shouldn't be surprising right
but um
i want to get right to the the
you know
the storyline
can i i first guessed the [ __ ] out of
that again before i have one thing i
have one thing and i i don't want to go
down this path but i think we really
should there were
across football across the league a lot
of really really cool moments around the
uh ukrainian players playing around the
league you have yarmolenko and zinchenko
and manyenko i don't think is that's his
name on everton
teams coming out with ukrainian uh flags
on no war i really enjoyed the messaging
all around uh football and football has
really stepped up and condemned this
whole thing pretty amazing uh of course
fifa dragged its feet and took an extra
three days to bar russia from the world
cup i'm not giving anybody any credit
especially fifa okay no
fifa has human rights violations still
happening in qatar i believe as they
build stadiums upon dead bodies uh so
that they can host this world cup in
[ __ ] november the ioc
waited three days after the olympics to
uh to denounce russia while they let
them play under the roc title where they
get to let them stand on the podium by
themselves or some [ __ ] um i don't know
they don't get crazy but but anyway i do
genuine stuff was cool like
zinchenko crying you saw in portugal
there was cool stuff anyway back to the
carabao cup that is our ukrainian moment
of the day we're thinking about it it's
not not important but thursday we'll
cover it go sorry yeah all right um i'm
not gonna go down that rabbit hole
because i could and i could take a
divergent into the right but anyway
let's go back to the kappa sub um oh
yeah eduard mendy is the man of the
match now if this is a 2-2 game
and it's helter skelter back and forth
and there's you know maybe some some
shakiness in the back from mandy
fine he's your penalties guy i get it
it's not a big deal
but he was a brick wall as he has been
for chelsea most of the seasons
especially the first 10 games he was
carrying them yes and well i'd even say
throughout because he you know
and he just won a penalty shootout at
afcon lest we forget that three weeks
ago and the argument for
is and there's plenty against it i'm
going to get to that in a second but the
the pawn the the argument for is he is
he was basically humbled and he had to
basically become
he had to carve out his niche and in in
not playing as much as mendy he became
far more
uh focused on penalties he was always a
good penalty keeper before this so they
say and he really honed in on this is
going to be my thing and tukel and and
and mandy and kappa have had
conversations prior to the game like and
i cuz i heard this was his reasoning and
it's bad
but he was like
we play this was sort of the plan if it
goes to penalties and you don't know
because you might have to use all five
subs but if you still have one this is
going to be the plan
okay
keppa is five inches shorter than eduard
mendy so as imposing as he may or may
not be
in the goal frame
he's that much less imposing than eduard
mendy is yeah
so
fine you bring him in i first guessed
the [ __ ] out of it i was like this is
the dumbest thing i've ever seen
um
yeah go ahead
and then
with the second and this is
until the very end this is my favorite
part of the match
a lot of times you can you know you're
dancing around on the line you're trying
to put the shooter off a little bit he
actively stood three steps to his right
with when virgil van dyke went up to
take this was amazing and he went he
went hey
put it over my left shoulder on my right
shoulder i dare you and van dyke looked
at him
through him with disdain fired an
absolute
rocket ship that was the best part of
the game
that's his right
temple it was amazing into the net and
then
turned around and stared him down for 40
yards all the way back virgil van dyke
went do you not only do you know who i
am who the [ __ ] are you
it was mwah
i
again i do not care for liverpool i do
not care for van dyke yeah that was the
best part take that man's hand so i
actually awesome
all right uh aveline i'm doing my
podcast uh we may have interruptions uh
i do have i have stats you ready go for
it
um
oh okay uh penalty kicks uh attempted
against mendy 28
only three saves penalty kicks against
keppa i think it's 12 and seven
so we're talking about sample sizes that
are minuscule i'm not i could buy i
could buy the the mendy
uh right
he's big and whatever now i i don't
i i thought more of this game i thought
the penalties were the sort of icing on
the cake i really loved all the missed
chances i mean
i mean
each team had guys just go clean through
i mean salah went clean through on a
mistake by mindy he made a bad clearance
um uh mason mount had two that he was
cleaned through i thought i thought
havert's pulisic
uh mount was a much better front three
than
more fluid than what they've seen with
lukaku all season i'm not playing lukaku
anymore i want to see what those three
have i think the big thing for chelsea
is they don't they're not consistent
like just play the three guys
play your three smurfs
give them
five games and then change them let
lukaku stew and just be like you're done
and then uh of course the classic was
werner in on goal passing it to passing
it away when he didn't have the shot
because god but he does make his penalty
so good for werner but i thought it was
a really good game everybody made their
penalty amane save everything everybody
made their penalty the other good one
that i noticed and of course i was
paying attention to it the whole time
anything good that chelsea did came down
trent alexander arnold side i don't care
what you say liverpool fans the
[ __ ]
maybe it's the whole defense is so good
that he's the weak spot and he's not bad
but the fact is he gets spun around like
atop every other attack down his side
and they continue to defend him because
his offense is so good i know it's good
the baltimore was incredible he's always
great with those passes i'm telling you
some [ __ ] he's gonna lose you a
game because he's standing straight up
and gets spun around because he does all
the time oh and there was a penalty
somebody almost got their balls ripped
off by a spike to the balls uh in the
first half that was konate not konate
who's the other keita and um and
chalabag going for a clear 50 50 on
review
it was very red
but uh i'm glad they didn't because it
would have been a shame they'd be taken
off had he been taken had he been sent
off there would have been no complaint i
mean the guy had stitches in his leg
after the game yeah and they was really
close to his dick i mean there was some
there's i mean there was manhood flashed
before him he must have been like oh my
god i nearly lost a sack on this [ __ ]
kick from this tiny african friend of
mine but i thought shalabah was really
good he [ __ ] put money in his pocket
like i was talking to my co-worker and i
was like well imagine if that had been
christensen out there he would have
gotten his [ __ ] lunch eaten because
you know christensen's not gonna get
that done anyway super fun game
it had to be liverpool it had to be the
[ __ ]
scouses and all that's great about
football blah blah blah you know it
drives us both nuts you know the idea oh
they're all singing you never walk alone
in solidarity i'm like the chelsea fans
were not singing you never walk alone
[ __ ] off yeah right um
let's and i
in that theme look
hey all the talk is about kappa and how
he you know
came in was worthless missed his it
wasn't
penalties it was incredible
kelliher
was
for what he was
no no no not as bad i mean over the
course of the game he i thought he was
pretty great yeah he was good and then i
mean of course he stood up and made his
penalty but to force kepler to have to
miss his but ah have you i don't know if
i've ever seen
that many consecutive penalties it was
incredible 21 consecutive penalties i
don't know what happened i think you go
around again
yeah yeah that's right it just keeps
going so anyway i don't i was i what i
was curious and i'm glad i'm glad that
i missed it
i that was the most perfect ending for
me actually but yeah what i don't know
and i'm curious and i hope we almost
found out was if you then have the same
order or if you can mix it up again i
would imagine it's gotta be tough they
gotta lock it through you just have to
go again
that's why would you get to reshuffle
like
why not that's too much time what are
you gonna have enough you know you're
gonna have half time and redo the whole
thing no because as i've said many times
before i get another subject i change
the keeper again no no what i'm saying
is instead of having so let's see
liverpool had milner fabinho van dyke
trent uh and so on and so forth in that
order
they would want salah to go first they
would want jota to go next they would
want oh yeah yeah i understand
so and again
after not getting a shot in the afcon
final
he i mean there was a chance he didn't
get a get to go i don't and i'll never
agree with putting your best player last
because there's there's the chance and
risk that you're not going to uh to get
him to shoot and
even more when i was watching this
spelling shootout i was doubling down on
that theory to my wife who didn't give a
[ __ ]
um
but actually she thought it was very
compelling she was like holy [ __ ] this
is awesome um that's why i married her
uh it was it was it was i couldn't
imagine being a fan of those two teams
and my heart would have been in my mouth
i wouldn't have watched it now to just
run away
the more
value is it put like
it's it's a it's a
a staring contest that's all penalties
is right so if you can make your enemy
flinch and then potentially blink right
if you have your best players go up
there and your best players therefore
have the most probability of scoring
and by the way van dyke trent and salah
you could have had two goalies in the in
the net and they weren't going to stop
those you know what you know i thought i
thought the only ones that were poor i
mean was konate who almost got it saved
but i just kept i kept thinking as they
all went up i was like wow all these
guys are good like there's no there's
nobody that you felt like was gonna was
a bum
i mean i i thought um i thought kanate
would miss i thought harvey jolly it
would miss
shalabha i thought would miss dude
shallabot looked shaoliba and konate
were like uh oh right well challa buzz
nearly had his dick chopped off so his
leg was definitely hurting like he was
not okay uh the fact that he was still
out there was pretty good i thought i
thought lukaku would sky it so that was
oh my god i think if lukaku
i was like it was like when kept came in
i'd never in a million years was like
yeah kepp is going to get a shot i was
like i don't think who [ __ ] this up
yeah the other thing that i still look
great yeah it was all it was it was
really really a fun game uh i you know i
that's what good football is about and
unfortunately it has to be two teams
that we hate and two teams that
narrative dictates that was great i
think the world was rooting against
chelsea especially the abramovich stuff
that you're going to talk about on
thursday and then of course uh you know
the game prior was the the other
controversy the weekend was cities game
versus everton and we had a handball
basically at the end of the game it was
really a nondescript game i will give a
lot of credit to everton they were very
good they played with the crowd they
fought
city really hard city were disjointed
because
again it's a weakling sport and john
stones is paying left back
so everything was off the runs that that
walker would do to create space were
never there everything just didn't work
right and um and everton were in
in city's face and had the better
chances early in the game and could have
lost this game there's no doubt about it
but uh city get a goal uh i actually was
a i was literally in the process of
tweeting in like the 88th minute or late
in the game wow this is michael keane's
best game lo and behold he [ __ ] it up
because he's terrible and if if
i'm sure if i was on everton boards or
everton uh four if you're an everton fan
let us know how much do you hate michael
keane every time i watch him he [ __ ]
something up he's [ __ ] terrible so
when you have a bad center back it's
awful it's like he's a [ __ ] harry
maguire and harry maguire's [ __ ]
it's weird how parallel it said a lot
like everton and spurs supporters have
like a kinship
and like because they have the the red
enemy they have the
spurs enos
historically city and everton also have
have a kinship there's when they were
both kind of the same level of [ __ ] yeah
although everton are a much bigger club
to be fair they've never been relegated
and they are in the relegation zone like
they're in the fight they are getting
and we're gonna cover that in a minute
but the controversy is
randomly
late in the game ball
uh ball gets kicked downfield uh uh and
and richarlson who has just never
stopped running never stopped going down
got the [ __ ] beat out of him by city he
he gets on the ball there's a rebound
and inexplicably
rodri just
plays the ball with his arm
just like what the [ __ ] are you doing
uh it's not great it is
in a gray zone i would say it's
it's about an inch down from a t-shirt
sleeve isn't that about right
if
it's a handball it's a handball
it's a handball oh of course it's a
handball yeah but
the
call on the field they go to var
on the field the referees
after they go to var says oh no it was
offside you should have never checked it
but
the ms nbc in the u.s
they drew the lines but they were not
the official lines they drew their own
line they were like oh it was offside
but then the premier league was like no
it wasn't offside that's not handball
like they had the out and they're like
no it's [ __ ] it's we couldn't tell
we couldn't tell because it was up high
i'm like this is about as hand ball as
handball gets and the re and you showed
me that picture from the champions
league final they had changed the rules
since then i know that yours was still a
handball that was the armpit shot into
uh i'm sure it was dead it wasn't that
just i know it's just oh no it's the
soccer oh yeah of course
seven seconds into the game yeah
fantastic thanks that was great way to
[ __ ] up the game um yeah
well at least he wasn't sent off uh but
anyway city dodge a bullet
lampard is that gives a classic end of
the game interviews like my
three-year-old daughter could see that
was a handball i don't know what's going
on
and the ceo of the team is is demanding
an apology to everton football club who
at this point you wouldn't think so they
[ __ ] need that point yeah no it's a
big point for them
and they played well and i think that
the bigger takeaway is while that might
be deflating they can feel good they
played really well and if they play like
that they're not going down i don't
think they're going down either ah
somebody is is the problem
okay
and we say you know it
it's foolish of me to try and handicap
this race at this point because it does
oh who knows and again it's you're
always
you're two wins away from not going down
yeah well and and newcastle now four out
of five wow i mean they're
they're they're now
safe as by virtue of the fact that there
are three teams between them and the
drop zone right so they're not right for
their guns they're they've they've
they're gone they've seen bedford leads
i'm scared for you guys i really am
because not only can burnley catch
everton burnley can catch both of them
quite easily
with one win they have three games in
hand on brentford and they have three
points to chase
and they have the dual difference and
they have lester on tuesday tomorrow
and they're a great team at heading
balls and they're going against
what is potentially the weakest defense
you could go against they're gonna scor
you you wanna let's look at the bet go
bet on burnley scoring a headed goal i
book it
book it
yeah
that is about as money as a goal vague
horse to score on a header just bet it
or me or tarkovsky any of those dudes
they're scoring a headed goal against
against lester it's just happening even
if they lose just go for the headed goal
right right right yeah
yeah so so we have we have leads
actually setting the record for goals
against in a month in the premier league
they really have been getting the doors
blown off them to the point that they
didn't want to sack bielsa they gave him
every chance not to and they just get
the [ __ ] kicked out of them it's so
weird do fire him
it's weird because
spurs as we've said many times are uh
maybe the best counter-attacking team in
the league but that's you know they're
they're the most comfortable when they
have an even split of the game but
you're trying to you know really get
after them and they can hit you on the
break let's be very clear about
something nine minutes into this game
ryan sessignon
teamed up with matt doherty one of my
sons
the crisscross across the field fan
[ __ ] it was great it was amazing when
he scored i was like oh that was
kulasefsky and i was like ah it's it uh
it's matt doherty's first goal for
tottenham
been here for two years that's what you
thought you were getting no well yes but
like at the same time i just i i was
like weeds get it together man holy [ __ ]
and then kulasepski hits the second one
and you're like all right this could get
ugly yeah it did
yeah because listen leads never blink
when they give up a goal that happens
like whatever we'll get it back
the problem is that recently and they
almost pulled it all the way back
against united recently but like
i don't know i there's just
yeah and after the second one you can
tell look it's like a boxer like they're
like they're like rocky right they're
really good at taking punches
but after a while
they add up right and so every time the
opposition lands one every time clubber
lang catches him with with a hook he
stands there but he wobbles a little bit
and you could feel ellen road
after the second goal from kulaseski who
loves a um
um a near post shot i've noticed that
i'm very interesting a big
big fan of what he possibly could be
he's all potential and you know no
substance yet but he's i mean he's been
pretty good returns so far but
leads they're just
they're they're like bleeding out slowly
and it's hard to watch but so now jesse
marsh comes in and i'm i'm very i'm i'm
hopeful i'm excited but i think i think
the key thing was you know if you would
have told me after that 3-2 in west ham
in mid-january that they were going to
go down which that 3-2 against west ham
was one of the games of the season the
hat-trick by harrison if you would have
told me that they were gonna basically
not
just disappear like they were going to
give up
30 goals in the next 10 games i mean
it's inconceivable and the issue is is
that they would give up goals but they
would always score right they'd have the
4-2 against united but it's four against
tottenham six against liverpool three
against everton without scoring if the
issue is in the defense which is really
bad the issue is they're not scoring
like they needed to keep scoring to even
have a chance and they can't score
well
i think yeah when they lost version of
like 1314 liverpool right i mean right
exactly really now they're really bad
yeah right but what proves it more than
giving up a touchdown to cur present day
liverpool yeah right yeah yeah
so so bielsa goes i think the the thing
is is that there's clearly a plan in
place where marsh was identified as a
coach who fits in with what they want to
do with with bielsa it's not going to be
such a big transition
marsh comes from
red bull comes from ragnik comes from
the german school the ganging pressing
the the hazenhoodle it's going to look
more like southampton
than
than what you saw elsa big than leeds
but what was happening with bielsa is
the man marking just wasn't working
because what you saw from the great pass
from the incredible pass from harry kane
for the last goal he would just drop
deep the the center backs would follow
him and it would happen to every single
team they'd be like oh no you got to go
with him and then she was like teams
would just run through the space like
there he goes yeah what's happening so
it would work against shittier teams
where they could outscore them but that
one nil against newcastle really
put the put the end to them and they
gave him every chance and he was just
getting dogged but uh bielsa leaves
leeds as a legend he still
is completely loved they all love him
they all went to ellen road to say
goodbye yeah goes out with his head high
even though he's never won anything this
is where football is more interesting
and i was listening to a podcast today
it's
you know if it's just about trophies
then support one of the five or six
clubs who win trophies if it's just
about grinding out one nil results
then just check the score at the end of
the day
but if it's about entertaining
you and i have talked about it leeds was
must see tv they were great win or lose
yeah and so we lose that and that's why
yeah we're we're sad to see we pour a
little out for bielsa yeah yeah what did
i get on my dick i think it did there
you go
on your stitches um yeah yeah i just it
it reminded me a lot of when pochettino
got fired because you knew it had to
take you had to be done you didn't want
it it was like taking an old you know an
old dog out back sort of thing and
you're like no i just one more day no
you can't it's got it's got to be today
i mean you probably could have kept him
in it it yes
in the case of levy he knew it was more
expensive than wow
don't even get me started but the point
is that the
the
and it's it's unfair to be honest
because they were so hurt they just like
nobody all year no nothing they just
after guys were out all year yeah yeah
yeah
yeah but they've i mean they've still
got but they had to be a little bit more
pragmatic right like
at at some point and i'm never gonna do
it i know and this goes against exactly
all of his ethos and everything but like
a little a little bit right now
that's the beauty right it's the romance
criticism yeah it's no no no we're going
down we're doing it this way and we're
going down i think leeds fans would have
gone down with him they were ready they
have the second worst goal difference in
the in the league right now yeah that
is impressive important it's impressive
but it's also important for where they
are right now if they were still 12th it
would be hahaha that's hilarious poor bl
so that's sad but now
that might be the reason they go down
not because they haven't lost all these
games it has happened
they do not they
they are now
level with uh watford on
worst expected goal difference which is
uh even crazier well they're even worse
so they so this is the difference right
they are
they're minus 31 but their expected goal
difference is only minus 50. yeah they
had they're actually giving up more
against spurs okay they had two goal
posts they had a ball where loris had
misplayed it at like 30 yards away from
goal where he is not good he's great in
the box but outside he's a mess
he plays it i forget who it was comes in
down the left
and like hesitates there's no goalkeeper
ben davies is uh no it wasn't even ben
davies one of the one of the centerbacks
is standing in the net worthless and ben
davies comes swooping in like the flash
and blocks the shot
and you're like what what are you guys
doing here some of us had both teams to
score what the [ __ ] are you doing leeds
uh melie is the oh i mean obviously when
you're when you have the worst goal
difference like that melee the
goalkeepers are now the least lucky or
least shot-stoppy i don't get the sense
that melie is that bad but the shot
expected saves are bad for them they're
just playing a lot of bad luck they're
getting no luck in scoring so you know
it
you could make the argument that maybe
they should pull a goalkeeper and change
him it's the easiest thing to do maybe
that would have changed her luck or
they're just giving up really really
awful [ __ ] the chances they're giving
up yeah yeah just like it's
destructive now we have two games here
that were not great to watch but are
interesting for the top four race the
nil nil uh watford it's just laughable
that united just can't [ __ ] get past
lee watford who are literally the worst
defensive team in the league and then
west ham getting back
on track
getting their goal from suck scruffy and
again
it can't go past every week
declan rice is just a [ __ ] beast
like whoever gets him and i don't know
and i hope it's not chelsea and i hope
actually i hope it's chelsea because you
know what toucal's such an [ __ ] he'll
[ __ ] it up because he's like oh we have
to do something different and make you
not do what you like to do but what i'd
really like to see what i think the
world would like to see is two english
midfielders together him and [ __ ]
conor gallagher in the midfield for
chelsea and it would be [ __ ] beefy
englishness
with all that flare up front if they do
that they're [ __ ] geniuses and maybe
the abramovich thing falls apart and
they both have to come back oh my god or
they'll both
whoever gets kelleher and if someone is
smart enough to sign kelleher and rice
i'll just be like i might have to i
might have to i might gallagher sorry if
someone assigns gallagher and rice
together as like chelsea homeboys i
might i might have to be like i might
have to use like incognito mode and a
vpn and just put on chelsea shirts on
videos and just wear a mustache and just
like look at them
uh but you know
i love those two guys the englishness it
just it's it's why we like the premier
league that's his style
it really does yeah yeah but rice willed
the team to win so many good moments uh
him and sue check they had another good
sort of um another cool moment for for
yarmolenko who actually left
and went to the ukraine and be like not
that he's playing means david moyes is
like
kind of helps just why don't you stay
there for a while
i mean they're giving out ak-47s you
might as well just go i have one yeah
have one have at it boyle uh so he goes
and that happens and then do let's cover
let's cover the let's cover the
relegation fight between newcastle gets
their win we're worried about brentford
and deich gets their draw against uh
crystal palace
of course they only take one shot versus
crystal palace the [ __ ] and dice has
them one point off of everton
and they've got if they get another draw
and everything drops out of the game
everton falls into the relegation zone
again i don't think like you
i don't think that they'll be the third
team
and by the way watford still has it has
a shot i i i mean i'm not
i'm not it's very close i mean it is
extremely close i mean everybody watford
i think you know definitely [ __ ]
i mean sorry uh
norrish they don't even know
um
and again it comes back to i've harped
on this pretty much every episode for
two months if not two years uh games in
hand and watford and norwich don't
really have any aside from on brentford
so they don't really have any get out of
jail free cards whereas burnley still
has two
um and that's where you look at it and
that's why i think everton will probably
be okay uh they'll fall ass backwards
into points somewhere
but if i if you had to pick one it's
like a [ __ ] marry kill for relegation
right um
brentford or leeds who stays and who
goes right now
i'd rather have leads than branford no
who do you think but who do you think oh
who do i think
if burnley catches
oh here's
actually actually here's what i thought
i think one of the things that's
happened with brentford is the injury to
the goalkeeper and no tony i think
they're getting back tony they've got
the goalkeeper he's got to get back into
form i've got to believe that eriksen
connecting in that midfield even if it's
only part time with tony will make a
difference and tony will find a way
because what was happening to them was
their get out of jail was to kick it to
tony and he'd he'd take the pressure off
the defense whether he did anything with
it
that value of kicking a ball
up to a guy who will fight for second
balls uh is invaluable and they didn't
have that so they couldn't get out and
so the defense was getting exposed and
those breathers that those strikers give
you are massive
and that's one of the things that
happened with with newcastle as well
newcastle all of a sudden their defense
got better because they knew they could
just kick it up to chris wood and he'd
give them 10 seconds he'd give them 15
seconds to push up get organized even if
there was a second ball that they lost
at least they were reset
and so
everything connects right like i know i
talk about it i sound crazy but it is a
weak link sport and you defend from the
front even a hold up striker who doesn't
score goals is actually super [ __ ]
valuable if he gives you 10 seconds
so you're picking brentford to stay and
i'm going to i want them to stay i want
i mean i want who's in the bottom three
to go down that all right well hold on
though and i'm gonna sound like a dumb
[ __ ] but
isn't burnley starting to become a
little likable they beat my team last
week let me be very clear about course
of course they're like likable but i
don't want that do i have like burnley
do i have burnley stockholm syndrome is
this what's going on i think no they are
likeable i think uh uh why gout and corn
made them
fun and
they playing better
oh they're playing they're playing angry
they're playing no this is this is what
i mean this is what this is in dice we
trust he finds the energy the team is
like okay we're [ __ ] around for a
half it's now we're ready we got the
covet out of the way now it's less like
ben me and tarkovsky are just like
this is our team i've been in the
premier league for nine of the last 10
seasons if any of you people [ __ ] this
up i will kill you i'll kill your
families yeah right families listen you
[ __ ] dutch guys you don't understand
this is life or death this is my town
i've been here my whole life for ben me
and for ben me he was a manchester city
academy graduate do you know how close
[ __ ] burnley is to manchester it's
literally like
long island to manchester it's up the
road
yeah right there's like 14 teams inside
the manchester city area and burnley is
one of them and so ben me does not [ __ ]
around and tarkovsky is i know he's
english but his name's tarkovsky that
means he's polish that means he's tough
his head is gigantic he petrifies me uh
i i think burnley stay up as much as i
don't want them to i really want to see
corny score another goal and connect
with veghorst that is just my dream
they're fun i i'm enjoying them that's
good well you'll get we can watch them
on tuesday against leicester that
actually is going to be good it's going
to be a good uh yeah
i uh
because lester have to
start like if you know what's funny i
was gonna say you need to channel 13 14
liverpool i'm like they have to coach
just go
just stop trying to sit on on leads just
attack never stop attacking win 5'3
because if you get a two goal lead
you're gonna give it up because you
stink
and uh and and i do say that about um my
guy uh
or more what i care about his [ __ ]
name anymore who's the goalkeeper i keep
killing on their team they're only going
on on lesser yeah my brain's melting oh
schmeichel schmeichel so i'm like
schneider
schneiderlin
that's morgan schneiderlin yeah i mean
we don't really have much to talk about
but i just remembered we have games on
saturday
well we got we got the fa cup too we
have the fa cup that's what i was going
to say what we have for the fa cup
is
not much but we do have the fa cup
itself so tomorrow randomly so burnley
and lester are playing also
peterborough i don't know where that is
play manchester city along with crystal
palace playing stoke city so some old
friends and some new friends we also
have your beloved tottenham hotspur
playing middlesboro
they gotta be careful yeah i would be
worried this is a good team
yeah
and let's be clear i mean spurs have
because
we have a hot potato race for the for
for the top four officially now right
like united don't want it uh west ham
can't figure it out arsenal have the
inside track as we were talking about
offline but um you know spurs are in the
race still despite their best efforts so
um they don't have this isn't the only
thing they have left to play for but it
is certainly the only chance they have
at a trophy so i think that they'll go
full bore i don't think that um
that that kante will take this lightly
no he won't he won't he's just yeah i
just uh
it's going to be scene we'll see yeah
are you ready for one of these classic
because the fa cup is the oldest
continuous tournament in world football
started in:ready including replays tottenham have
never lost to middlesboro in the fa cup
four wins two draws through those two
draws though those two draws came as the
away side in february 1905 and january
2020. you remember
yes oh i actually know i remember the
january:yeah
i love the february 1905 just kidding
1905. yeah they didn't get drawn out of
the hat at the same time the the sorting
hat of the fa cup by the way for people
for our american friends who are
uninitiated uh the fa cup is just the
coolest [ __ ] thing it's so cool that
the nba is trying to do it and they're
gonna ruin it but they are every team in
england
792 teams enter one man leaves
let's talk about that for a second
because and i'm not a big basketball fan
i'm curious to take on this the knicks
right
if the knicks are not in the playoff
picture and they're in the whatever the
[ __ ] fa cup third round it's it's the
it's the it's the uh
stern cup
for sure for the dead for the dead
commissioner yes that's actually i would
argue that's a pretty appropriate name
for the trophy um
would because he made the nba what it is
they imagine
the david stern cup let's call it that
sure uh
two things a
do they go harder for this than they do
for a potential playoff spot and b if
they succeed and they win the stern cup
how is that received by players and by
fans
i think it's something that you should
do
you make it you give you give the team
choices for what they get they can
either the players can either get money
extra money which is probably not that
interesting
i think they could get extra ping pong
balls for the draft ah
i like that or um what else could they
get money
ping pong balls you could get no you
could you could [ __ ] around with the
playoff structure you could say
uh basically
think of it like europa league no it's
got to be separate it's got to be
separate like not part of the league i
don't think he's connected to the league
at all no no well i mean think about it
right like if you win the fa cup you
automatically get a year league spot
oh i see what you're saying you saying
that if they you reserve a playoff spot
for a team that wins the cup
yeah but
the problem with with basketball is
there are no upsets although if it's a
one game if it's only one game then you
could get a weird team but they were and
here's the thing
if
think okay oh here's what they can do
you could because they now have a play
in you could get into the playing right
oh they have play-ins and [ __ ] now yeah
they made a play in from uh uh they have
ten
ten plays eight
nine i'm trying so hard to respect the
nba i'm really trying guys yeah and i
can't
it's just for oh my god anyway it's it's
fun it does it has the same problem the
nhl has which is regular seasons not
mattering because they devalue their own
product
uh to an extent to an extent the
no the nba is different in the sense
that they're like we don't want to play
[Laughter]
yeah that part's bad well but the nba is
a strong link sport so it's worse right
there's less team ethos you know if if
the if if the capitals come out and
ovechkin wants to go to suck on putin's
toe you know they can still play without
ovechkin and still be the king yes and
who by the way is catching all types of
[ __ ] because he's not saying anything
there is no right answer and only a sea
of wrong answers because he has family
still in russia well that's what he
should say he should be like ixnay i'm
not talking about family a uh
everything's fine yeah not if you're not
if you're okay look you're being asked
to
join in the chorus
but you're because people are
pronouncing you're you're american yeah
yeah yeah renouncing your home country
yeah and
in doing so endangering the lives of
friends and family you have back home
because you don't know where you're
going
for what for some [ __ ] retweets for
some yeah for some virtue points no it's
jesus i think he i think he has said he
condemns it but not direct of course
yeah of course by the way our temmie
panerai one of the also really like
prominent russians he's on the rangers
is a joke about how he uses a flip phone
because he's an enemy of the state back
home all right because he openly
criticized putin he uh novell knee he's
a big supporter noveli and he said as
much yeah yeah he was like [ __ ] putin
this is my guy and everybody went hey
we're gonna kill your sister like like
this is
hey the war comes home real fast let's
go through some more in that fifth round
so uh stoke palace your team chelsea
play luton town i don't know where luton
town is called uh but it sounds
interesting i like the id i would think
that chelsea's gonna mail this game in
having just played 120 minutes and had
their whole [ __ ] team go to war uh i
would imagine that luton town's gonna
get a nice easy breezy game probably the
toughest and most interesting matchup is
southampton west ham two teams that
probably want to try and win this thing
and go as far as they can
i like this game that's on wednesday
liverpool norwich city liverpool will
also play the c team against norwich
no doubt about that the biggest team in
this is boreham wood against everton
boreham wood
of non-league they are the lowest ranked
team in the system they are in the
national league north in fact when i
click on the standings for borehamwood
in uh google there's no information
that's how low down they are i can't
even find them uh they're not even they
don't even appear so boreham wood uh
they they are still in the league
they're still there they are i think the
number one defense in all of england so
they don't give up [ __ ] so that is what
good teams do they fight to the end they
won't give up anything but they probably
don't have the quality but as long as
michael keane plays i worry for everton
and then of course we have the classic
not on amphars versus huddlesfield both
those teams playing well in the
championship both with some decent
history huddersfield 1931 and 32
two-time first division champions also
the um the home team of uh of um oh [ __ ]
i can't remember anybody's name jean-luc
picard the actor i can't remember his
name and uh you know formerly in the
premier league uh but
yeah that's the fa cup not really a lot
to write home about you'd expect the big
boys city to go through chelsea to go
through liverpool to go through the same
three teams weirdly keep showing up
along with uh your friends
in tottenham but will end up probably
with a chelsea
liverpool or a city liverpool especially
as long as these matchups keep getting
easier and easier
uh we're getting into the round of 16
and we are there
mike anywhere you want to go yeah i want
to talk about cristiano ronaldo oh yes
of course
he
i'm looking at the non-penalty
goal scorers in the premier league this
year okay he's not good
i'm looking at two through nine because
i'm struggling with that be ref at the
moment mo salah 15 diego jota 12 sadio
monte 11 by the way liverpool scored a
lot of goals because you got noticed it
really [ __ ] sunny with 10 emil smith
rowe at nine and then you've got uh tied
with row emmanuel dennis jamie vardy
who's been out since like the war of
1812 since since the last war right
and bruno fernandez all at nine and
bruno gets his a fair amount of penalty
goals to find then with eight your boy
jared bowen michael antonio raheem
sterling and conor gallagher
who did i not just say
christian cristiano ronaldo he's on nine
on seven non-penalty goals oh
non-penalty yes yep he's not in the top
15
no
no what is that
six seven eight nine ten
twelve he's 13. he's tied for 13th in
non-penalty goals
what is in the water
on that side of manchester i just look
is it catching up with him is it
uh
just
because they have all the attacking
talent in the world right now he's
always the man demanding the ball in the
box i think that he has missed a couple
i think that he is 37 years old and to
use the greatest of all sports cliches
what is it mike
father time is
undefeated
and you know between he and zlatan you
know we know he's taking care of his
body yes he's still great but he's not
great enough to be
the
every game striker for manchester united
uh he has had he has had moments he had
good goals early in the season
especially when you know they thought
they were going to change the world with
him and he got on some balls and he has
won them some games especially here and
there it's not that he's not great but
when you look when you look at all the
players born in the premier league and
you sort by year born there's guys
before you get to the year cristiano was
born which is um
1985
there's 514 players ahead of him right
right right right there's only there's
only 10 players older than him
and it should be said he
for what they actually ended up paying
uh i guess the fee for not the salary
not much
seven goals isn't that bad of a return
especially given the points that he's
given them i do i do think though
that his mobility and lack of he he's
his lack of mobility pace and power
anymore i feel i still think he's lethal
like if he was playing the way danny
ings plays
that would be fine
or if he was playing if he was playing
for city it would be fine
they'd have to change the way they play
but
the fact that liverpool i mean that
manchester united have so many
young players who can run and still like
play up the middle and attack
he limits their options he limits the
way they play they can't they can't be
as flexible they can't play
rashford alanga and and sancho i mean
that would be a good grouping
despite the fact that rashford might be
a mess because he got hurt and is out of
form but you know they did move on from
marshall i think you loved marshall two
years ago when he scored 20 goals in
that first that first holy season when
it was like oh happy days are here again
and i think that they never really
intended to cr to to sign ronaldo we
talked about this early in the year they
got duped he has a good agent he created
a [ __ ] market when there wasn't one
somehow tricked manchester united into
thinking city was going to sign him
whether they were or not they should
have let city sign him it wouldn't have
made a difference
because city would have figured out oh
we can't play the way we like to this
sucks right and like when has city ever
signed a 37 year old never never
it's um
it's interesting to look at his stats
because if you go just straight down the
goals line he's got you know in his last
few years juventus 20 uh his first year
he had 21
31 29 hold on though
in 2019-20 at age 34 he had 12 penalty
goals yeah he went 12 for 13 from the
spot so he had 19 goals which let's be
very clear from open play is a fantastic
return and then without looking i'm sure
that's very close to the top of the
league you've a one won the set one
series for the second consecutive year
but then they started to fall off and it
wasn't
his production wasn't the thing that
fell off but the team around him was
starting to fall apart and yuve now is
is a disaster right and so i wonder and
i don't watch serie a nearly i mean much
at all nearly enough to to say
but like
did we know that this is who he was
before he signed for
you
talk to u of a people
yes
yeah that's kind of what i think because
i remember seeing
what was the really dramatic champions
league game with him a few years ago i
forget i think it was where he got the
hat trick and they lost anyway they lost
atletico right yeah yeah here's here's
here's the difference right are you
ready
from 2016 on this is shots per 90. 5.7
6.9 5.7 6 5.2
then he's down to three and a half shots
per game he needs to be shooting more
to score all those goals he's a if he's
a he's a he's a kobe bryant type he's
volume he's got to be shooting yeah and
he's not taking those shots because he's
not getting the space and united just
aren't
united don't possess the ball when have
you seen a uh a line splitting ball
come from central midfield like a tony
cruz might do like a like a luka modric
might do like a kevin de bruyne might do
a ball coming from deep going into
ronaldo when he's on the move it simply
doesn't happen because it doesn't happen
at united because they don't have the
players to do it it's got to go to
fernandez first fernando's got to survey
and by then whatever advantage that
cristiano has had is already lost
because he's too slow
i've made that up but it sounded good
i don't i don't know that he's too slow
but it's
it makes he's definitely not as fast as
he used to be no of course he's too slow
for 25 year old ronaldo standards right
of course i mean 25 i mean
real madrid ronaldo was you know he had
40 goals when he was 25 by the way he
had 46
in his age 26 season we're not going to
see these numbers ever again no no no
and
he broke
sport
i don't mean to say that i expect
him
i expected him to be the best player in
the league that's not what i'm saying
but what i did expect was him
i didn't expect three liverpool players
to be the top three in non-penalty goals
right and goals from effectively from
open play and yeah
i just i and frankly i'm surprised kane
isn't closer to the top i'm surprised
although you you did spend 10 or 15
games with the least yeah no i know
worst coach in the league what i'm
saying is when you look at the chart and
you go
huh
jared bowen is ahead of cristiano
ronaldo and
and uh and harry kane he's one of those
against but it goes back to it
both those team jared bowen plays on a
team with what a really good central
midfielder who breaks the lines and gets
him the ball out wide when he's on the
move what does harry kane not have
someone in central midfield who breaks
the lines and gets him out on the move
he has to literally come get the ball
turn around hit it to someone and then
run into the box and have it come back
to him
he has to be the nine and a ten i lied
he probably has a great therapist um
yeah so
if if if ronaldo had trent alexander
arnold [ __ ] pinging wings from three
quarters inside the half just going boo
those nuclear bombs he drops
they're so incredible i [ __ ] hate him
for it yeah or or or someone like
conselo just
weaving things in getting to the byline
and him just standing there like if you
don't think ronaldo could do the [ __ ]
um the the raheem sterling role where he
stands in the back corner and just puts
his foot down on the ground a ball hits
off of it right and he scores 20 goals
actually that's unfair to raheem he does
a lot of other stuff anyway we're
getting near time
mike send me home yeah that was the
squeaky bum time podcast with mike
salerno and laurent cortese we are the
football wing of the chop sports network
and we record on tuesdays and fridays
and we made it to march i can't believe
it so be sure to subscribe wherever you
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