Premier League Week 2 – Crap thoughts from a crap pundit

Going to work it from the start to finish of the week. Waiting for the Manchester City result… petrified.

SATURDAY

Swansea 0:4 Manchester United.
Fucking hell! Manchester United look strong. The score flatters United. They had a struggle and Swansea really packed it in. First goal on a set piece… scruffy rebound put in by Bailly. The rebound came off a strong header from Pogba. Goal came just before the break… second half more of the same. Clement made a switch to try and go for the game… was playing basically a 5-3-1 very tight and narrow…. nothing doing for United. Made a change to open up and chase the draw. United took off. Turnovers in midfield BANG. Lukaku on the board, wide open inside the box… no idea where the defender was going. Then BOOM another break… Pogba put in an amazing chip for a goal… and finally… another break Martial SMASHES it home.

United look really sharp. Scary sharp. Scoring for fun. Playing with confidence and swagger. I’m scared.

Bournmouth 0:2 Watford
Ho-hum another win for Watford after their draw with Liverpool. Lots of scruffy missed chances for both teams early. Bad crosses, bad finishes on both sides. First goal came on a great defensive play on the front post with a quick pop up from the Richarlison, who poked it home. Very strong play and heads up goal… Bournmouth a few more chances then a poor clearance at the back and Etienne Capoue THUNDERCLAPS it home from outside the box. Capoue has that in him. Nice win for the Wasps… feel like Silva is a good manager and he’ll keep Watford up.

Burnley 0:1 West Bromwich Albion.
A “Pulis” my name for any 1 nil game of crap football. This was a shit game. Two defensive teams who play nasty, tight football. Really nice goal from Welsh Euro Hero, Hal Robson-Kanu. Nice run, a few touches, and hard running, hits home. Later got sent off for an elbow… Sort of a Gordie Howe brace… goal and red card.

Brighton  & Hove Albion 0:2 Leicester
Mahrez decided to show up for this game and ramed home his championship form. He’s showing how to play when you want to move on, but you still play for the shirt. Vintage Mahrez. Cuts in, smashes it, Okazaki cleans up the scraps… I love that guy.
Second goal, was all English crap football… fat defender, with a fat head, fat ass who looks like he’s 45 even thought he’s 28. Harry Maguire with a headed goal off a corner.
Brighton is in trouble. They have no offense. They are sitting too deep.They are staring at the moondoor and just wondering if it will hurt when they hit the rocks on the way down.

Liverpool 1:0 Crystal Palace
God love “Black Suarez” Saido Mane, he was everywhere and in the final third was awesome. Really good goal lots of movement on the give and go. Palace is shit – Benteke missed a WIDE OPEN goal. Might have a been a bobble but jesus a can’t miss.

Southampton 3:2 West Ham United.
Self-destruction from West Ham. Southampton up a goal on a wonderful pass and move from Gabbiadini… just kept on running, good finish. Then crazy Arnautovic got elbowed, then Mark Noble retaliated nearly breaking the guys leg… Should have been done and dusted… Nope… Arnautovic smashes a different dude in the face with a forearm… straight red.
Southampton scored on Tadic penalty from a stupid Fonte pullback in the box of Davis…  West Ham in all fairness fought on like crazed Serbians…. Chicharito banged in two rebounds… one in the 45 minute from a quick shot from Antonio and another over a header off the bar in the 74th. It looked like the Hammers might get a smash and grab point, but no…. My main man Zabs clattered Yoshida on a run into the box… second PK. Charlie “No Knees” Austin smacked it home… All is well at St. Mary’s… nutty game.

Stoke 1:0 Arsenal
I love an Arsenal loss as much as the next guy… just for the AFTV reactions really, but this was harsh. Arsenal had the ball, had chances and on another day cruise to victory. This isnt to say Stoke were bad, they were very good and in the first half looked REALLY dangerous on the break…. could have had a couple goals. Jese’s goal was fantastic… ran based Ozi… Ramsey was on the opposite side of the field… Xhaka was dithering on the ball… and off they went. Strong goal.
Second half was all Arsenal. (after the goal) They had multiple shouts for penalties and had a goal disallowed for Lacazette… It was all very Arsenally again…. For some reason… this team loses games, and never seems to take the blame for the loses. According to Wenger and most Arsenal fans, every loss is someone elses fault and the referee is out to get them and yet, they never win the league…  strange that.

SUNDAY

Huddersfield Town 1:0 Newcastle United
Didn’t see much of this… two crap promoted teams. Huddersfield were playing in the first division for the first time in 40 years… fans were up for it and they go the win! Former Manchester City player Aaron Moy, he looks like a bald child, won it with a great one, two around the box. Great strike. He looks like a player and Huddersfield play with a lot of togetherness. David Wagner has them believing… To stay in the Premier League the concensious is that you need 40 points… Huddersfield have 6 points in the bank…
Newcastle… jesus. Had some chances… but they seem a little down in the mouth. Benetiz is there but the darkness around their shit owner Mike Ashley stains them. They are the Knicks of the Premier League.

Tottenham Hotpur 1:2 Chelsea

The dreaded and hated by all Chelea pulled one out… Alonso he of the golden hair and chisled face scored two GREAT goals… one on free kick in the first half and a second late on to finish the game… Just a helluva a player…. To think he was on Sunderland with Jozy Altidore? So… Chelsea are not dead yet. But they could have lost this game….
Spurs hit the post, peppered them with shots but could not break thru. Spurs goal came on a own goal by Batshuayi, that might have been put in. Good cross from Eriksen as usual. Harry Kane had a good game, but just couldnt get anything on frame. The narrative will be that Spurs are in trouble… but they’ll be fine. They looked strong and capable.  Pochettino may rue going so hard for the win… when Dier came off, it opened up too much and Spurs lost their balance… Also… Sissoko has to go. He’s shit and provides nothing.   Have I mentioned how much I hate Chelsea?

MONDAY

Manchester City 1:1 Everton
Typical, billion dollar, City. Again… City in the first half were wastful. Didn’t get out of gear… had chances missed them… Aguero was in on goal… tee’d up by DeBruyne and rounded the keeper, Jagielka recovered and blocked shot…. City turned it up with about 10 minutes to go before the break, but then… Sane made a blind pass near the touch line, the back line was in retreat and it was an overrun on the corner of the box… Fernandinho dove in, Calvert-Lewin chopped back, passed just as Rooney was crusing into the 6 and he slotted it home… City down a goal… So typical and very reminiscent of the all the loses and draws from the past 2-3 seasons. It would get worse…. Walker gets a yellow for a challenge where he DIDN’T TOUCH THE PLAYER AT ALL. Then get a second yellow for a elbow than never came… two phantom yellows and he’s off.

Second half, City are much better… but not crafting enough chances… Game changed when Everton took off, Williams and Davies for Siggurdson and Klaasen… Everton lost their defensive solidity and hard running of Davies and City pressed hard.  City brought on Bernardo and Danilo, changed to 4 at the back and immediately looked like they were going to score… Amazingly the leveler game from Raheem Sterling who had missed an earlier chance…. Ball was up in air in the box and SMASHES a volley home… best strike I’ve ever see Raz take… If he shoots like that… we’ll have something…

It was a weird game… cagey in the first half… City in control but bored… like away at Brighton… came to life after the sending off…. the urgency was needed. They got the deserved point… but if they are going to play like this… again for a year? They will not win anything AGAIN.