It’s my birthday today, I’m 43 years old

My birthday was lovely. Lisa took care of everything. She took care of Aveline, got me a very thoughtful gift of a map of England with all the English and Scottish league football clubs on it. In the evening my dearest friend Nancy and her husband Alex came by with their boys Beck and Ely. We ate pizza, had a wonderful homemade banana cake with cream cheese frosting and the children played nicely. I even had a beer. I couldnt ask for more and I am eternally grateful.

I’m 43 years old. Feels oldish… but not too old. Not sure what the significance is. Feels like an arbitrary age? But in terms of the history going around me, the last year has been one of the most jarring. For the first time in US history, we are at a real delta. (well, maybe 1968 was bad too) What are we going to be? Are we going to take the 35+ years of Reaganism, of moving to the right, annihilate the left and become an Ayn Randian state where the selfish thrive, or will we pull back, see EACH OTHER and hope we can invest in the whole.

I’m really not sure. I don’t always have coherent thoughts but today I just knew I didn’t want to sit on my couch at night and watch more sport YouTube videos and hope something fascinating came my way. It just doesn’t work that way. I didn’t want to be passive and have another night go by. I remembered to write… so that feels significant.

I’m still not completely ok with our news… I can’t help it. I get depressed. I look for answers, I read more news… Then I find a thread, something that reminds me of some tyranny of the past and I get scared…. then I post something absurd on Facebook just to get it off my chest… then I move on. Then I think? Of, fuck. We’ll be ok. Those morons in Washington have too much to lose they won’t blow up the world…

Jesus…. I need to stay off Twitter.