Relegation BATTLES, High Scores, and Harry Kane’s FUTURE. Premier League THRILLERS – Arsenal, Newcastle and Nottingham Forest!

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Hello and welcome to the squeaky bum time podcast, presented exclusively on a chop sports channel of the premier streaming network. We are recording this on Monday, may 8th, 8th, 8th. I am your host, laurent Cortines. In this episode, arsenal show their medal up north versus Newcastle United stumble in the east of London and City roll on. But first, this Monday, we had a relegation royal rumble on coronation weekend. Unbelievable stuff, and we will get to it right after this. Please like, share and subscribe. Please like, share and subscribe. It means everything to us. We need every single person to be a part of the show. If you don't know anyone, please tell them about it. If someone doesn't know about Premier League football, this is the podcast for them. Now let's get to it.

The relegation royal rumble Okay, so, if you don't know, we Coronated the great and powerful Charles the third to be king this weekend, and that affected fixtures. We didn't have an early fixture, so God save the king if you're into that sort of thing. But more importantly, we had three relegation battles this Monday, setting the record for goals in a relegation, a three game match week and the scores looked like this first, fulham five, leicester City three, everton five, brighton one. And then Forest four, southampton three. That's 10, 14, 21 goals in only three games. That's seven goals a game. That shit's not normal. So crazy, crazy stuff. And we'll start. For me We will start with Christians. Wonderful Forest. They win four, three. This was the game They had to. Had to have it started early and beautiful for them. Taiwo Oani Sitting in the middle of the goal, of course. On the break Brendan Johnson running down the wing gets it to all money. He puts it in early on 18. The second one comes a little bit later. Very similar bit more comes down the other side, this time Gibbs white scuffs. One drops to I want he. He rolls his man standing in the middle of the box Where skull scored and goal scorers score goals. He hits it top bins and forest are flying. We played Mall of kintar just for everyone else to play.

John John Santana for some reason thought it's not a good song. It's weird that they still sing it. I don't get it. It doesn't feel sockery. But Forest sing it because in 77 they won the league and won the league cup, and then the next season They won the European Cup. All against Liverpool. All the tricky, brian Clough Again.

We can't talk about forest enough because of the great, powerful power, brian Clough and everything they meant. Not only that, we had Martin O'Neill on Sunday night football on Sky, one of the most important players of that forest team, talking with Carragher Representing forest. Just cool to have him on soft spoken, very kind man. Martin O'Neill has managed into Premier League many, many clubs, many, many seasons. I believe last of Sunderland. I know he had a good run at Aston Villa as well.

Martin O'Neill, also Ireland. But class stuff to have him on then as Is one to do for forest and teams at the bottom. They can't defend, they don't know what they're doing. Ball lost in the midfield being bang, boom. Of course everything that's good that happens for Southampton.

James Ward prouds involved. He hands it off to Al-Qaraz who goes in goal. It's to one. This games bonkers. So from 18 to 25 We've got goals. We've got goals. Wow E, wow. Morgan games white, probably for us best player. He. He puts away a penalty on 44. So we go into the half.

Forest feeling okay, they're up 3-1. They feel okay, you're like all right, forest, you got this. You're okay. Not so fast, my friend. Of course the bugaboo. Again, james Ward prouds on the corner, puts the ball right where it should be, lee Anko Smashes at home and it's 3-2 and we have a game again and it feels scary. Why aren't we scared? We should be scared. And of course, again Morgan Gibbs, white, with the assist. on this one He pirouettes in the box on the break to Danilo who finishes it, forest up for three, for two. You think they're doing fine? You think everything's okay? Not so fast, my friend.

With nine minutes of stoppage time, a penalty to Southampton again. James Ward, proud, so assisted on the cross, drew the penalty. He was involved in every goal, puts away the penalty and it ends for three. But let me tell you and I know it because I watched it and we could feel it on our reporter on the ground, man On the ground, christian at the city ground, this game was Nervy, very nervy.

Forests Again win their games at home on the road. They have a problem, but this was the game they have to have. They're on 33, a full three points ahead of the relegation zone. They do have the worst goal difference, but they give themselves a little room. They won the game They needed to win. I think Southampton played some good stuff. Yeah, they were behind most of the game But I thought they created chances.

And you know, none of these teams in the bottom are good. They're all problematic, they all have issues, they all run into problems. But Southampton, i think we know now, are definitely going down. They're on 24. They are six points away from sniffing anything. They're really gone. There's only three games to go, six points. You do the math. They really can't get out of their own way and forest live and give themselves another chance To try and get out of this relegation zone. They sit on 35 with a minus 33. But our friends continue and we're gonna go to our next upset, our next five and six goal thriller to our friends in the South Coast.

We swoop on to Brighton mice, my second home. Brighton flying high, brighton Trying to get those games in hand so that they can find a European place, finish in six, maybe get a nice Europa League spot, not so fast. My friend Everton came and they brought the fucking Ruckus like it was the Wu Tang and they were all dirty bastard. Bring the motherfucking ruckus. They did it and in the first minute Abidelaide, the core, scores a goal on an amazing spin by Dominic Calvert-Lewin. Just all class. Maybe that wasn't the first one I think I can't even remember now, but turned over very early in the game spins.

Decorre was everywhere, he was running everywhere scores the first goal and you're like, oh shit, i guess Everton are gonna win this game. That even more Decorre. He bursts into the box again on the break. He is running on his own like a madman. No one picks him up on the volley. He smashes his home. This was not an easy skill.

The second goal from Decorre is better than the first. The first one was all Calvert-Lewin on the spin leaves Dunk in the dust. The second one is just a breakaway and Decorre busts his Ass to get downfield, gets on to the cross from McNeil who was absolutely fantastic And we'll hear his name a little bit longer. But if they weren't done yet, on 35 McNeil gets some space by the byline. He smashes across across to who else was running to make that cross. Decorre was at the back post and Jason Steele Deflects it into his own goal.

Righton are down 3-0 and I immediately thought Don't fuck with Brighton. They're really good and they are going to come back in this game. So the half comes sooner enough for Brighton. Deserby's like you know what, fuck you guys. He pulls four players off and he's like we're going to go win this goddamn game. And the first 20 minutes of the second half were legit. Buonanote, undav, wellbeck and Webster all came off to be replaced by Ensiso, gilmore and Ferguson, and also Levi Caldwell comes in for defense And it gets crazier. Oh, actually, did I get that wrong? No, sally Marsh, i believe, comes in instead of Caldwell. I'm not sure. Anyway, but Marsh was on as one of the four and Brighton put Everton under serious, serious pressure.

I don't have the. I only have the full match stats, not the in-game stats. But Brighton took 23 shots and I would say 15 of those came early in the second half. It opened up on the wing for Sally Marsh and he was just pounding balls into the box. Pounding balls into the box. But there was a new friend in town for the great and powerful Everton and it was Yerry Meena.

Out is the shit heel. That is Michael Keen. Once I knew he wasn't in the lineup, i thought Everton had a chance. Also, holgate was out and Young what's his name for Everton? Young Patterson played full back, taking the place of injured captain Seamus Coleman, and it made a difference. I thought Everton's defense was much better. It seems like Dice is finding his guys. He took time. I guess he trusted Keen at first and now he's like. You know what, keen, you're done. Mcneil was fantastic in this game And as Brighton continued to push and continued to push, mcneil had his chances.

He scores on 76 and then another on 90 and 6. The 76 goal he rolls in, he puts it, he celebrates before the goal goes in. They get around and on the break Everton were just incredible, brighton to their credit. They played like Brighton in the second half, but that first half the damage was done. The three goals go through. They are not quite ready to make it a European push. They just could not match Everton's fight. They could not match Everton's passion.

This wasn't a way game for Everton. Those who Evertonians you know Everton have been awful away from home, but they traveled really well. The MX let's be fair to Brighton it's not a hotbed of football. They have passionate fans, but it's not like a cauldron or anything. Plus, it's a new stadium. So Everton brought their energy all the way down from the northeast the northwest, excuse me all the way from Liverpool to the south coast, traveling well, really loud. You could hear them singing Everton And they really put it to Brighton.

Incredible work. Young Patterson really checked Matoma. Matoma sort of had one goal. They did pull one back that he banked off McAllister as they were falling into the goal. And of course, our man Pickford, in his short arms and his jumpy, yellowy self, our yippy little jack terrier of a goalkeeper, is flopping around like a jack terrier catching a bounce ball off the floor. He was incredible again And they really just pulled it out. They really pulled it out, did four saves, a couple of balls off the post.

To be fair for Brighton, this game could have been different. I was saying as the chat went on, as we were watching it as a group. You know, if Brighton had gotten a goal within the first 10 minutes of the second half, i think things are different. But they kind of ran. Their impetus ran out. They had energy but they couldn't sustain 20 minutes of pure attack where they were putting Everton under the cost. Standout performers Tarkovsky always, mina always just magnets on their head clearing every cross, everything that was going on trying to do to get free. He just couldn't. Motoma on the other side was checked well by Patterson and Everton get a five one win out of this one. Incredible stuff, just fantastic stuff from them.

I don't think anyone really wants Everton to go down. I don't think it's the kind of club that anyone really wants to go down right there to historic. It would really be bad for the Premier League and bad for Everton. They really need this game. After I go I'll go one more game and then we'll talk about the cool amazingness of the relegation battle.

The last game was the in London. Lester go to full and just get the doors blown off them. Five one into the second half on on 70. Lester do fight back, score two late goals make it look more respectable. But five three does not do any of this. Justice Lester just still really bad defensively.

I got a call out about vice Just. Is seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know when he came in he was solidifying of the defense, but every single move he make it seemed to be a mistake. On the first goal, Sorry, on the Venetius goal, he comes out Venetius runs in behind. Nobody fills in the space. The Vilean goal the first goal was a flu just across that no one got. That was on Iverson. The goals that are kind of mistakes. Better defensive teams handle. Kearney just gets free on two different ones. They don't close anyone down. He's in the box firing goals in and then Williams is just a thunder cut on 70 that he fires in. Harvey Barnes put one in, put two in, but it really didn't make a difference.

Lester, they're not good defensively and I get that. They have to be open and try and out scores team, out score team. So maybe this five, three is a result of them trying to fight. But you've got to show some defensive level. I'm looking at the midfield Telemans, dude We, i know you want to attack, but you've got to show something. Telemans and so are a, both get yanked in this game because they were bad and they really didn't do enough, and so this has been actually one of the poster boys for the bad purchases that that Rogers has made. He never really settled in and it was his fault that this game really couldn't hold on to anything. And then fouson say and you sort of getting shown up, not a great performance by Lester, a team in the relegation battle. You can't give him five goals, especially mistakes. They need to sit tighter. But maybe they just don't think they can defend and they're going to just go forward? I don't know, but this was an exciting game. I mean full of a, really off the Schneide again, back scoring goals, black playing well, they had been in really poor form, especially no Mitrovich since the bump with the key, with the, with the officials and whatever. So that was the relegation royal rumble And I do want to give a little bit of a.

I know I normally do these the other way around, but I do want to talk about the relegation concept within the concept of American sports and whatever. I know it's fun to talk about. Especially this week was also the last day in the championship. Heartbreak for Millwall, who didn't get into the playoffs. Sunderland's joy though they are in the playoffs along with Luton, coventry. Up the specials, up the two tone for Coventry and Terry Neville, who was who died this year, terry, terry Hall excuse me, i said Gary Neville, terry Hall of the specials. Who else is coming up? it's Luton, sorry. In the playoffs Luton, middlesbrough, coventry, sunderland. And one other team is in the playoffs. I know that's for, yeah, that's for, that's for those of the four right Luton, middlesbrough, coventry and Sunderland all in the playoffs to be the last team that makes it to the Premier League. As we already know, sheffield and Burnley are returning to the Premier League anyway. So that's promotion, that's relegation. Those are the teams going up and down.

It gives a level of dynamism to a season, to a sport that we don't have in the US. We have tanking, we have teams giving up It. It has a it's. It's looked on romantically by Americans in our football and it's looked on longingly by American fans, especially with with rexham. But I think we're focused very often on the rise part and not on the fall.

Going down is terrible And it's heartbreaking And just to crack in my voice, even just thinking about it, when your team is at the bottom and they're near relegation, it can feel like the death of a pet, like a dog's death, and a whole community right at the same time can really bring something down. And if you watch Sunderland till I die, i think they really capture it really well. It's a good documentary on Netflix. There's two seasons. You don't need two seasons worth just one season just to get the sense of what the town means, what the team means and how their week to week is connected to the club And to have the team have hope and belief and have it chatter and have it sort of fall out from under them and have the team go down. It is sad and dark And there's such stakes on these games levels of money and revenue that are unknown in American sports.

You know it would be like if an NFL team was just like okay, when the season starts, you're guaranteed 200 million in television revenue. If you get relegated, that money is going to disappear in three seasons. Oh, and getting out, you have to win your way back in. So this idea of money changing and contracts getting cut and players contracts so there are players on your team that if they get relegated Because they are automatically free agents or they get automatic pay cuts, so it's really intense. It's not for the faint hearted. We as Americans really like pro rel from the romance side, from the going upside, but we do not handle the going downside. So it's a really tough thing to really think about.

And let's get to the rest of the matches. Talk about Manchester United. I talked about Manchester United. I really meant to say I want to talk about Arsenal. It's the biggest game of our non relegation Royal rumble.

They went up to Newcastle and we're able to withstand a real, real battle between two really good teams. First 10 minutes Newcastle were all over Arsenal. They hit the post from from Jacob Murphy, the venerable, now legendary Jacob Murphy, who really has done a good job with the team. He does hit the post early, but those first 10 minutes it was loud Kumar Esh had a shot block. They went off target. Like I said, murphy hit the woodwork, isaac had a shot block And then, out of a little bit of nothing and a little bit of weathering the storm, a little bit of a gut punch, a little bit of a sucker punch.

The quality of Arsenal does come through Odegaard from pretty far out, probably 20 yards out, really low and hard bottom corner, arsenal get the goal. That settles them down for sure. There was a penalty shot early that it looked like VAR called it off And so momentum had gone Arsenal's way. And then, from when Odegaard got the goal, arsenal really controlled the game a lot more. The next 10 minutes after that were really in their hands. Before Willick had one saved And then a little bit better in the second half, from Isak he hits the woodwork, shar has one saved right next to each other, right on 48-49. And then from there Arsenal are able to control the game.

I think the key players in this game were our manager, genio. Just this was the right game for him. This was a change from the regular or tet. The team Parte was left out. Key War was brought in, a new defenseman instead of holding. I think those changes gave Arsenal a bit more control And after they were able to withstand that big, hard, hearty new castle attack and get their two goals, both from wait a minute.

Where's the second goal? There was definitely two goals. I don't know why the second goal is elicited here. Oh, it's an own goal by Shar Sorry, on 71,. I had forgotten about that. They get the two goals. Then they're able to really calm the game down.

But this was a professional performance. This was a grown-up performance. This was a performance by Arsenal that they needed and they had to have, and I think they can hang their hat on this performance as the type of game that they can build on and go forward with. They had the blip. I don't think it was that bad.

You can argue about the Southampton game in the West Ham game. They were never in it against City. City were way, way, way too good. You can argue about the Liverpool game. It was at Anfield. But this is more. To be frank, this is more Arsenal's level. They are about as good as Newcastle versus being as good as City. There's no one as good as City. The fact that Liverpool match City those seasons literally broke them. City are just a class above in a different stratosphere of talent. There's not a bad player on City. One player comes out, another comes in. I recognize that.

But with Arsenal playing in St James's Park you got the sense this was two teams that could go at it, that had a way to play, that each wanted to do certain things, and Arsenal's play between Giorginho and Odegaard and Klass was able to get past Newcastle's power, pace and grit. And this game did get chippy. There were a lot of fouls. There was a lot of sort of fist to cuffs. Jacques almost lost it but then was able to calm down. It was actually the best defensive player that Arsenal had. He blocked a key shot in the box that he tracked back on. So really, really good stuff And a hair on your chest performance from Arsenal. They think that. I think that they can carry on And I think, as I look at the XG here, even 1.3 to each, but Arsenal do get the two goals. So more clinical, more class, just a little a smidge better than Newcastle, but Newcastle are really really good. They're probably nailed down for the top four now as it starts to open up.

And now we go talk about Manchester United, who do now lose two games on the bounce after the heartbreak of the penalty by McAllister and Brighton in midweek. Now they go to West Ham and they have the Haya. Just one of his mistakes that he makes four times a year. He just yacks one And Ben Rahma broke through, takes the shot. He's surrounded by three players. He just tries to get a harmless shot off and hits his hand and he doesn't save it And it goes in from there.

It did not really feel like United created much. They've been having this problem even within this game. The XG was on West Ham's favor. They did get the goal, but nothing really changed for United. They could not get anything created in this game. Just not enough opportunity. Bruno made chances and Marcus Rashford had a few chance creations there, especially early on. Just nothing on target, although Rashford did hit the woodwork on a speculative shot. A lot of stuff just off target, unable to get things on goal, unable to pressure the West Ham goal and just lots of wayward shots. Took a lot of shots, created a lot of shots, but nothing that really tested Febianski too much. He's been a good goalkeeper for a long time And just unable to get the goal they needed. And now, where they were six points ahead of Liverpool for the top four, that's now down to three points With having played one less game, or is it one? Is that right? Do I have that right? Yep, no, sorry, it's one point. Liverpool have a game in hand. United just needed one win. They did the worst thing they could possibly do And Liverpool will segue right into them.

Liverpool have been now getting clean sheets, getting their wins. They won 1-0 versus Brentford at home, as you'd expect. Not too crazy. I mean, they did create a lot. Sala gets his goal 30 for the season. Fabinho with the incredible pass over to Van Dijk who heads it across to Sala who bundles it in.

But this was another strong performance from the new look Liverpool Regular players. Fabinho seems to be getting his legs. Gakpo played in the midfield this time, so they're still trying things, maybe as a number 10, kind of in a three with Jones and Fabinho. I guess they knew that Brentford would sit deep. So I guess they felt good about trying to play this different way. But Liverpool controlled this game from end to end. We're really never in trouble. They didn't give up shit to Brentford, so they're in very, very good shape And they just keep plugging away And there they are, pushing themselves. I think this was the push that they thought they'd get to, and now it is actually happening for Liverpool. They've won.

I believe It's six on the bounce, is that right? Since April 1st, with three draws. Come on the two draws Chelsea and Arsenal, and then one, two, three, four, five, six wins in a row, clean sheets. The last two, two, one nills. The last two games, both home, against Fulham and Brentford Good teams, but not great teams that you'd expect to really trouble them. I think the Spurs game was probably the big one that they got a nice break in. Getting pulling it back against Forest was also a good one. So they're really humming now scoring goals, which is secretly one of their problems, but then getting Trent Alexander-Arnold on the ball and able to create for them has made a huge difference, and Liverpool are now just one point out of the top four, where United's season is starting to peter out. I worry for them. I know they're going to have a bad taste in their mouth if this season ends without them being in the top four.

United should be in the top four. They are top four side, but if you look at it in terms of goal difference, in terms of underlying numbers, they have been playing with fire all season. Based on expected goals, the top four are City, arsenal, united I mean Newcastle, brighton, liverpool, then United. So the top six in expected goals are City, arsenal, newcastle, brighton, liverpool, then United, then Tottenham. So it's not that far off. But Brighton are the party poopers that were just like wow, why is that team doing there? They've been outperforming their numbers all season, actually probably of lost games that they shouldn't have.

But United have been pulling shit out of their ass all season And it's starting to show up again. You can see it in their expected goals. They have scored fewer than they would have expected And that is indicative of a team without a striker, without a good striker. Good teams with good strikers score more than you'd expect. Bad teams with bad strikers score less. And that's what's happened with United. Once Rashford was on his run of form and then got hurt, they've been unable to reclaim that consistent goal scoring that they had in the middle of the season when they were pulling games out and Rashford was unstoppable. Those goals have dried up and nobody has been able to come in and replace those goals. Bruna Fernandez is still creating shots. He's still creating lots.

I looked at the stats the other day. He's in the top five of expected assists, but not in the top five of assists, so he's created a lot more opportunities than players have finished for him. So he should be much better off than he is And he's still a creative force. But, man, if they got Harry Kane, that's the man they should get. I'm not a United fan. I don't want United to win. I don't want United to be anywhere near the team or near good, or near anything. But United with Harry Kane would feel like 2013, van Persie going to United, 2012 Van Persie going to United. Where they're there, they're close. Well, actually, i don't think they would win the league necessarily, but having a real striker who gets in good positions and gets on the ball would be amazing.

So just that XG assist thing for Fernandez his ex-assists expected assisted goals is 14.6 and he only has seven. That's seven passes that should have been goals that weren't. Can you imagine United with seven more goals is probably two more wins. At least Two more wins would put them solidly in the top four. Right now they're sitting on 63, having played 34, with Liverpool right behind them on 62, having played 35. But a vast difference in goal difference, that plus eight and plus seven against them, plus the head to head, makes a huge difference. Liverpool on their tail, ready to claim the spot that you would expect, the spot that you would expect. Another difference is Allison has been the best keeper in the Premier League for the past two seasons and he does not give away games. He may give away a pass here and there, unlike Ederson, but he does stops every one-on-one. He's the number one one-on-one saving keeper in the league and he's plus 10 on expected goals saved. So that's like two games right there just from Allison, whereas Dave just blew one. So a lot of things heading Liverpool's way in this run-in that we see coming down the pipe.

What other games of note? Manchester City two leads, one City completely dominate. Big Sam's debut back in the Premier League. Two goals that are almost identical from Ilkai Gundogan on 19 and 27. Put this game at a reach early. But then City just had one of those games where another day, when they didn't have the two goals, they would have lost or drew because Holland hit the post like four times. It was a little ridiculous, it was a little unfortunate. City were just getting through all the time.

Ilkai Gundogan set the record for touches in a game. He had 190 touches. He was just on the ball the whole game. Pass completion 192% on 184 passes. So Ilkai Gundogan, just masterclass of this game. City had four players with over 100 touches, almost a thousand touches in this game.

Leads were just not there, not a great defensive team at all. Possession stats 80, 20. Not great for leads, but leads were in fact in this game. They got a goal late from Rodrigo on a turnover and a mistake And for a minute there you thought leads might do a smash and grab, just as you'd expect the great and powerful Sam Aladise to do. He's unable to do that And this is a warning sign for City.

They cannot be complacent to make mistakes and give up goals like that. These are the types of goals that in a Champions League which City play on Tuesday against the great and powerful Real Madrid at the Ben and Aveo. I'm not ready for that game. City can't make these mistakes. They can't give away goals. Right now City are not holding clean sheets very often. It's not their best defensive season. I think that's mostly down to Edison. Edison is a minus on unexpected saves.

But of course City are on now unbeaten in 19,. Unbeaten in 20. Something absurd like that. They're on a unbeaten since February 5th. Their last loss was to Tottenham 1-0. They are unbeaten in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. Oh, there, it is Unbeaten in 20. They had that draw versus Bayern Munich. Oh, that's. In all competitions unbeaten in 20.

In the Premier League, i believe they were on a 10 game winning streak, but I will count it 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Yes, 1-10 have not lost again since that Tottenham game in February. So 14 unbeaten. Just put the pedal down and just took off. They had done this. They don't do it at the same time every year, but they're invariably with City under Pep is a moment that everything comes together, they put the gas down and they just go.

Happened in the Diaz season at around November, december time, and this season has happened. In January, really, i think the Tottenham loss was really hurtful And they just were like you know what, fuck you people, and they were gone. They just disappeared. Actually, the not even forest draw was really brutal, but since then they've been imperious. But not a lot of clean sheets, just the three against Newcastle, palace and West Ham. So City do have to clean that up. Ake looks like he's going to miss the game, so a little bit of trouble there. But the Real Madrid game is our season And then after that is Everton, then Real Madrid at home to seal the potential trouble. I'm nervous, i think, am I Not? really? Holland did not score.

The big controversy in this game, of course, was more rich people problems. Oh, we're fighting about who takes penalties. So in the game a penalty is drawn. Holland picks up the ball. Elkay Gundogan's on two. He hands the ball to Gundogan. So Erling Holland is the penalty taker. City are only up two. He hands the ball to Gundogan. Gundogan misses the penalty On the sideline.

We capture Pep yelling you take the penalties, you take the penalties. You are supposed to take the penalties. So, explaining and being intense about hey, don't fuck around, this game wasn't over, you're supposed to be taking the penalties And then invariably, of course, rodrigo does score the goal late. That makes it nervy and ends up only being a 2-1. Had City ended up drawing that game and losing the title because of it, then we'd have a bigger problem. But I think Pep is so intense and so about small details. He's not going to let the team lose because of somebody being nice, and Erling Holland, while ruthless and loves to score goals, he's also a nice guy who wants his captain, who's probably going to leave the club, to get his first hat trick of his career.

So a little bit tricky, a little bit of a minor controversy No big deal really. The talk shows like Talksport made it into a thing, because what else are they going to fucking talk about? I personally didn't have a problem with it. This is one of those classics where the result creates a narrative. If he makes the penalty, it's no big deal, but because he missed it became a to-do about this or that or whatever. So I'm less interested in that and more interested in cities rolling on getting it done, staying One point clear, with a game in hand. Still to make up that game versus Brighton in the weekend before the final weekend of the season in midweek.

Just so many games, so much time. We covered Arsenal, we covered West Ham. We covered Brentford versus Liverpool. Let's go to big. Frank Lampard getting it done. We are staying up, said we are staying up. Let's Chelsea getting to win versus Bournemouth away. They score their three goals. They on 42,. They are safe. Chelsea are not going down this season.

Connor Gallagher, from Chabala, got a shield on an amazing side-footed goal and then Sterling assisted Jauh Felix on 86. The Vigno goal that Bournemouth got was the best goal of the game. Just Tiki Taka through the Chelsea defense. Chelsea didn't play well. They got their three goals. This is what they should be doing. They should be doing. They should be scoring these goals.

This game was level at 1-1 until the 82nd minute, so it was not that easy. But then Chelsea did get the two goals late to seal the game. Good for David Brooks, the cancer survivor, to get on late in the game. So nice for him. Bournemouth are safe, but this is more about Frank Lampard getting his first win. He literally told the team to have drinks on him. So that narrative of Chelsea being the worst team ever they're now not the worst team ever. They're just shit and their season will end with a Peter. We don't have to hear from them. We don't have to hear about Frank Lampard. They will be part of the run and I think City plays them in a couple of weeks. But this is just a pathetic season that we had to actually worry about whether Chelsea would be able to beat Bournemouth away. I mean, what kind of fucking season is this? So that happened.

There was that Wolves defeated Aston Villa on a goal by Neto nothing to write home about there, and then Tottenham defeat Crystal Palace 1-0 in a game the less talked about the better. But the only thing I wanna give shout out to is Harry Kane, who passes Wayne Rooney on second all-time on the Premier League scoring list. Please keep in mind the Premier League scoring list only involves the Premier League years from 1992 forward. There are players who scored more. Maybe we talked about Jimmy Greaves, we've talked about Dixie Dean. There's a history of English football before the Premier League. So just to keep that in mind, harry Kane, on 209 goals now, second all-time passes Wayne Rooney. I was, you know. I think I wanna do this for Mike and sort of be really clear about Harry Kane.

Harry Kane is one of the world's great strikers and what he has to do in this Tottenham team is more than any other player has to do on their team. Maybe save Messi in the late Barcelona years, where he led the team in assists and goals. In this case, the only goal scored in this case was set up by Kane and scored by Kane. So he's in the number 10 spot. He makes an incredible raking pass for his wingback, poro, to go get. While the pass is in flight, he's trotting into the box to get to the back post because Poro then crosses it and he finishes it. So not only does Kane have to play the number 10 to play the ball out wide, he then has to be the number nine to finish it. He has to do that sort of shit all the time. He drops deep, plays balls out wide and then has to sprint into the box because there's no one who's gonna get on the end of these balls. He's an incredible player And I think like if he had a more better representation, a more ruthless streak or just a selfishness that I don't think he has.

He loves the club, but he could have got himself to Real Madrid years ago. He could have got himself to Manchester United. He tried to get himself to City but he was pathetic. The idea that he signed a six year contract with Spurs and Levy and trusted Levy to let him go when it was time was a massive mistake And I think we're gonna lose. He's gonna be lost to history or lose arguments because he doesn't have enough trophies, because he was loyal to Spurs And Spurs tricked him or thought they were closer than they were, and they never were.

Harry Kane is an incredible player who should be lauded with your van Nistelroys and your Shearers and your honorees. The difference is those players all have Premier League trophies and Kane not having one, not having that moment as captain of lifting a trophy, is really going to hurt him. He's not gonna be part of the montage of teams of a player lifting a trophy And if he goes to City or Real Madrid or Bayern Munich and lifts a trophy, it's not gonna mean anything because he'll have gone just to say that he did to shut people up. So he's kind of damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. He's got a Kevin Durant quality to him in that he's an all-time great, but nobody gives him the credit that he's due because of the way he's chosen to pick out his career, or I mean, i don't feel like he's like Charles Barkley, who made it to the finals and lost. He's more. At this point, whatever he does, he's not gonna be able to satisfy the critics. At this point It's like, oh, leave Spurs and get a trophy, but it won't mean anything. So it would be great for him to win a trophy at Spurs, but I think, if we're all honest, spurs are further away from a trophy than they've probably been in a few years. I think they were closer under Conte's first season.

But leaving always goes bargain buying instead of selling Maurice three seasons ago and reloading or selling a player when he had value He didn't really get a lot for Erickson and all these things that he didn't do that have hurt value in players within the world of Spurs. They never reloaded. They never had a moment where they went. We're buying a $60 million goalkeeper and an $80 million defender that are gonna push us on and win the Premier League. They never were able to identify those Lynch pin players that lift you up the way Aldeverell, the way that Erickson and Kane were able to. They were never able to replace those players or solidify those players or make another pass at it. They just had the one go, that one go and then they ran on fumes for that Champions League team. Then they Conte squeezed a little bit more and Moreno squeezed a little bit more, but they never were able to go further than where they were.

And when you just look at Kane's numbers, especially in all competitions, clubs collapse. He's over 25 goals a year for 10 years, which is just unheard of. Has a 40 goal season, has a 35, then a 40 goal season, then 24, 24, 28, 25, 28, 16 assists, 10 assists. I mean, he's just an incredible player for his career, just always a plus on the XG, which is what all good strikers should be. He's never had a down season, never had a negative XG season. He's just an incredible player that if he goes to Manchester United, it's gonna make a huge fucking difference.

But seeing him in that red shirt, it's gonna make me wanna fucking throw up. Seeing him in the red shirt of Bayern, it's gonna make me wanna throw up. I just hate to see him have to leave like this and go to another team. But it's getting there. He's now 29,. He's in the late prime. He's very good about keeping his body in shape. I mean, there were times there on their pocettino that he played too much and get kicked because he was Spurs. But now that he's where he is, i just not sure what Kane should do. There are two I'm of two minds where winning as Spurs will mean more, but I don't think they're close to winning. So you gotta leave, And I don't think any Spurs fan would begrudge him leaving now.

He gave his whole best seasons of his career. I mean 10 seasons from 19. All the way to 29. I mean, what can you ask more from a player? 10 seasons, 10 years of his life, the best years of his life with the same club. It's gonna be the all-time goal-scoring leader for Spurs. If he stays in the Premier League, he's gonna break the Premier League record. Just needs that moment lifting those 10 cups And he will be one of the greats of all time, no matter what he does. No matter what he does. It's just a shame he didn't start out getting that trophy the way Shearer did when he went to Blackburn and then went to Newcastle and went to two FA Cup finals but never really did anything else. Instead, he's gonna have to do it at the end where it doesn't feel as good. So just a tough one for Harry Kane on that front, but I think we're all okay with him leaving at this point just to see where he's gonna go.

Other matches, i think that's it. Do you wanna give some big, big shouts to a couple of really big games? We have the Champions League, Real Madrid, manchester City tomorrow. How are city gonna stop Venetians? Is it gonna be John Stones getting spun around like a fucking top? Oh God, i know that Real Madrid haven't had a great season in La Liga, but just a cutback in seeing Karim Benzema on it and he's just gonna hop it in.

And then Wednesday, inter versus Milan. Those two teams are really playing for second. I don't think anyone thinks that those teams are going to win the Champions League, but it is a derby di Italia. It is Inter Milan versus AC Milan. These are historical clubs of like the highest level. I mean city must feel like you know a nouveau rich scumbags which we are, city going to this party. But here we are, we're here to break the party up. I think city have the right mentality. Hopefully they can go and just fucking annihilate Real Madrid. Just put five on them so I can relax. But I don't think that'll happen and we'll just have to suffer. This is where it comes, manny. This is where the suffering happens.

Tomorrow noon city, real at the Bernabéu City haven't lost a game since February. Could this be the first one? I certainly fucking hope not. I don't want to feel this feelings. I'm petrified of this game. It's a big one. It's a massive one. I don't know how to feel. It's all coming together. It's all going to happen really fast. But let's do a quick summary of where we are.

After the relegation zone battles, go back to the Premier League Less. Oh, sorry, let me just. This isn't an update and I got to find a more updated standing's list. Let's just go through the table and see where we are. Most teams have played 35 games, especially the ones at the bottom. We're going to start at the bottom. Southampton rooted to the spot on 24. In 20th place They will get relegated. Lester and Leeds both on 30, in 18th and 19th respectively, and Everton out of the relegation zone on 32. In 16th is Nottingham Forest on 33. Then West Ham on 37 and Bournemouth on 39. Wolves on 40, along with Crystal Palace and then Chelsea, taking us up into the top 10. There's a gap Chelsea on 42. There's a six-point cap into the mid-table.

The mid-table is a beautiful place filled with Fulham and Brentford in 9th and 10th respectively. Then we have Aston Villa on 54, along with Brighton on 55, but two games in hand. But this loss really hurts them in their chances for Europe. But they can get pretty far. Then Tottenham sit in sixth on 57. Five points ahead of them in fifth is the mighty Reds of Liverpool. Fuck off They. Hopefully they walk alone and die a slow death. United clinging to fourth after losing two games in a week and six points to their dreaded rival, liverpool, with Newcastle two points ahead of them after they lose to Arsenal, sitting on 65. And Arsenal on 81, getting themselves off the mat after the loss to City. Imperius having one six in a row, 10 in a row, sitting on 82, top of the league with a game on Arsenal.

I don't know what's gonna happen. I my going down. I think what we see here is what is gonna go down. So the teams in these places Lester, leeds, southampton, those are the three I see going down. Not even Forest are gonna stay up, because I love them. That's the reason. That's literally why they're gonna stay up. That's a stupid reason, but who cares? Still so many games to go, so many miles to go, the narratives, the twists and turns. The season will end on May 28th.

But I do want to go to one other place The best games you will see. I do wanna check out the EFL championship really quickly just to get a sense of the schedule of what is gonna happen next. So the playoffs look like this There is a home and away leg on Sunday, may 13th, 14th and 16th, 17th. Sunderland home to Lutentown, coventry host Middlesboro. That's Saturday and Sunday. Then the other semifinal legs will be Lutent hosting Sunderland and Middlesboro. Then the final for who gets to go to the Premier League will be probably a week after that And that is probably the best game you'll watch. It's at Wembley. It is fantastic. It is nerve wracking. The playoff final is one of the best games you can watch.

Middlesboro are the class of this group scoring lots of goals. They have the top goal scorer in the division. I just wanna make sure I've got the right player. I don't wanna. Is it Chupa Akbong? I'm not sure if it's Chupa Akbong, but they do have the top scoring player. Yes, it is Chupa Akbong, that Michael Carrick transformed into a top goal scorer. He's got 28 goals. Coventry has Victor Gorky, as he's also a top goal scorer. Lutent, carlton Morris, so we'll be seeing the best players in the league, the best creators Jack Clark from Sunderland leading the league in assists and Ryan Giles also up there in assists. Just a lot of good players on display. So we will be rooting for. Oh it's tough. I want Lutent, i want Sunderland. Those I would take either of those two because those would be the best stories, but I think it'll be Middlesboro, middlesboro. Way too much talent play attacking front foot football. But we'll find out and we'll cover it on the next show.

Okay, that was the squeaky bum time podcast with Laurent Cortines. We are the football wing of the Chop Sports channel and presented exclusively by the Premier Streaming Network. We record on Mondays and Thursdays, so be sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you're listening on Apple, please rate and review the show. It means everything. Thank you and good night. We'll see you next time.