I’m unemployed – been so for 2.5 months. I’m scared and recently had a job that I was promised for months be pulled out from under me. Whether it was nefarious or just a miscalculation, it’s hurt and really flung me for a loop. Trust and confidence are very fragile things. In this instance, both have been damaged at once. I am thankful for Lisa and Aveline. They are the rock that keeps me from floating away into my brain.

It’s been the second time in a last few years that someone charismatic has played on my hopes and needs and pulled away. I must have a weakness for it and it hurts every time. I’m distrustful from years of living in New York City and I am trying to be a touch more trustful, but these events really harden my cynicism (poor Lisa) I don’t want to change too much, but not trusting people sucks.

I’m going to pick myself up off the deck and push on, but these are difficult things to do. I am having a hard time and wanted to say it out loud.